South Australia is Full of Clothes Lines

Or so you would believe after watching the South Australian Tourism Commission ads.



Did you see all the different clothes lines?

There's at least five of them in that one minute ad.

And there's even more in the lates Tourism South Australia ad, but unfortunately I appear to lack the skills to track it down on Youtube. So we're just going to have to make do with this one ad.

But it's like the South Australia authorities wants everyone to know that South

Australia is home to the largest collection of clothes lines, much like Shepparton is home to the largest collection of model cows.

And you know that's exactly what people will want to see when going on Holidays; clothes lines ... hopefully they're Hills Hoists clothes lines since Adelaide is the home of Hills Hoist.

It can be a learning holiday for the family!

That'll be fun, going on a tour around the state learning all about the history of the Hills Hoist, because as we all know kids love learning about history. Especially when it's the history of something as mundane and uneventful as the good old clothes lines. Plus the parents can also have plenty of fun too.

The fun isn't just limited to the kids!

But all those clothes lines around the South Australian country side also serve another purpose. Yes, besides providing non stop excitement for the whole family, they can also be used to dry clothes on for families who are camping and need somewhere to hang their washing or just even wet towels after showering and/or swimming. And since there seems to be a clothes line in every possible location, finding one shouldn't be a problem.

Is there anything the humble clothes line can't do?

So next time you're planning your holiday don't forget about South Australia and their wonderful collection of clothes lines, which is quite possibly the largest in the world ... and is quite possibly more exciting than Shepparton's collection of cows. There's fun and excitement to be had by everyone!

Pet Discipline

In her DVD Kitty Flanagan talks about how young children aren't going to understand and see things through your (the parents) eyes when you sternly tell them off for doing wrong. And she's right. The child in question needs to hear "Bad, child! Bad! No desert for you tonight!"

The child has learned not to repeat that bad behaviour through cause and effect.

But that's nothing to some people who use the same "Let's try to reason with the animal when it does wrong" theory, like my housemate.

Whenever the dog something that annoys her and she wants to stop or even just pees on the floor, she asks him to stop because it's annoying and/or he shouldn't be doing. Or when he tries chasing the cats she asks him not to because "the cats don't like that," and she wants them all to get along ... although Josie is slowly teaching the dog to respect her and her personal space.

And there's a very good reason why the cat is making more headway in teaching the dog manners where the dog's owner is failing. The cat doesn't try politely asking the dog to stop because she doesn't like his behaviour. Instead Josie will hiss and use claws to make him see the error of his ways.

None of this "Please desist with your current behaviour, I find it very vexxing." crap.

I guess that's why the dog likes his owner over me and the other guy in the house. We don't try reasoning with the dog when he does something wrong in front of us. Instead he gets a "NO! Bad, dog!" and then gets put outside. Or in the couple of incidents when he came inside and peed on the carpet almost immediately, I rubbed his nose in it before putting him back outside.

Guess who his least favourite person in the house is now?

But guess who gets the best behaviour from the dog (so long as his owner isn't home, because then all bets are off and he ignores everyone)?

Why Are My Roof Handles in the Camel's Mouth?

Ok, so I get that companies like to think up new and unique ways of showing just how tough their product is. But generally these tough tests are done to the more extreme of whatever the product is likely to face once it is in the customer's hands.

That's why I'm confused about why one of the Roof Handles tough tests include being

chewed up by a camel.

When is a camel ever going to get the chance to eat your Roof Handles?

I mean, ok, I am a bit of city slicker as five year Flynn (not Finn!) so kindly pointed out to me over New Year's. But I do have some country blood in me and some experience in the country. Never did I once see a single camel running around on the roof of the farm houses, just looking for something to nibble on up there.

But then my country exprience is only limited to NSW and Victoria. Maybe the other states have a camel problem that is so bad that they even climb the roofs of houses.

It just seems to be a bit of a weird and very random test to include when testing the durability of a product.

The Monster Under the Bed is Still Very Real!

Last night the heating was left on a very high setting. That would be my fault since I was the last one to go to bed and completely forgot about turning down the heat settings (but that's what happens when the central heating system is completely silent).

So needless to say with the doona covering me it got very, very warm in bed last night. And when I woke up in the middle of the night I was very alarmed to find that my arm was hanging over the edge of the bed. I quickly pulled it back under the doona, to safety.

It was only then that I realised just how hot it was.

The heating needed to be turned down.

And yet I had no desire to leave my bed and turn it down. It's not like it was warm under the doona and the rest of the house was freezing cold. Thanks to the heating, the house was actually rather toasty warm.

No, my hesitation came from the fear of the monster under my bed. My arm had been dangling over the edge of my bed, tempting the thing, letting it know that I was easy prey.

The fact that the monster hadn't yet grabbed me and dragged me under the bed to its lair meant nothing. It was just waiting for the ideal time. Like, for instance, when I get out of bed to turn down the heating. Then it would have no problem grabbing my foot and dragging me down. It would be much harder for me to struggle free.

The fact that I outgrew this fear, that I know there is no monster under the bed meant nothing.

My arm had been there tempting it, acting like bait, and now it was very real and just waiting for its chance to get me.

Luckily, jumping off the bed towards the door was easy, and I was able to turn down the heating. Getting back into bed without entering the danger zone was a little more tricky; I'm still getting to know this house and it was completely black in my room. So my wild leap onto where I hope my bed was ended up being very awkward as I scrambled to make sure I was under my doona before the monster caught me.

Still, I did make it through the rest of the night without any sign of it, and now in the light of day I can laugh at my foolishness, hahaha!

The Rizzo's Sarmonella Outbreak Is the Work of the Devil Child

So I said that I'd keep an eye on any mysterious happenings around the area just in case the devil child from the train is up to something.

I think that I have noticed something;

It didn't click at the time when I was watching the news. But when I had some time to think about it, the whole affair smacks of the devil child and her evil work.

Rizzo's Pizza (the best pizza joint in Ballarat) made the news because of a sarmonella outbreak just before Christmas. I knew nothing of this until last night when the news report headlined Channel 10 News.

Admittedly, I haven't had Rizzo's Pizza for awhile, and Channel 10 News isn't exactly the most reliable news station around. But I was told that a friend read about it in the newspaper, which I can only assume is a little bit more reliable than 10 News.

Then there's also the fact that I live right around the corner from Rizzo's Pizza.

If this sarmonella outbreak really did happen, you'd think that I would've heard about it sooner than last night.

I don't think that the sarmonella outbreak really happened when they say it did. I think that the devil child has somehow tampered with time and caused this. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to be very good at changing history yet, so people are able to remember the original timeline as well as the new one she's created.

But it's only a matter of time until she gets powerful enough to successfully alter the past and our memories without us being aware of it.

This doesn't bode well.

Devil Child!

On the train home today there was totally a devil child sitting in front of me.

Sure she may have looked like any other innocent small child. But that's just what she wants to to believe.

She wants to lull you into a false sense of security.

And then she attacks!

She had me completely fooled until she looked me right in the eye (through my polarised sunnies) and started to sway in time to the music on my iPod.

At first I thought it might be some kind of bizarre coincidence. So I surreptitiously skipped forward to the next song.

She started swaying in time to that song instead. Only now she was staring at me.

I have no idea what she had in mind, what she was trying to do. I was just very happy that the train pulled into Ballan and the devil child and her family got off. I was also very glad that she was seated in front of me instead of behind. There's no telling what evil she would've wrought if my back was to her. But that being said, I would've very much liked to have been sitting on the opposite end of the train to her.

But now she's Ballan's problem. Not mine. Although I might keep an eye on the local news just to keep track of any mysterious and/or weird happenings in the area. After all, Ballan isn't that far away from Ballarat.

How to Quit Smoking

There are people who say that quitting smoking is nothing more than mind over matter.

And they're absolutely right!

In order to be able to quit and stay quitted you have to want to quit. It doesn't matter how many and what sort of crutches you use to quite, if you don't have the will to do so, you will fail and end up smoking again.

Of course there are many different method of quitting. But really the best way to encourage someone to quit is to send them off to somewhere cold. Most people tend not to smoke in their houses anymore, so the habit of not smoking inside should be there already. If the people do smoke inside, the smoking outside rule will have to be enforced ... but this shouldn't be a problem since it will making quitting seem like the more desirable option.

But think about it; there could totally be a quitting camp somewhere in the cold wilderness where people can go for the first few steps of quitting. I can't believe no one has thought of this sooner, actually.

If it's cold enough outside, a person will hold off smoking for as long as possible. The nicotine cravings may be bad, but being cold while smoking is worse. So if a person is holding off for longer periods of time between smoking, then that person will be smoking less during the day until gradually they have quit.

Unlike those warm nights where temperature is no problem for the smoker ... and is probably more comfortable outside than inside.

It's the perfect way to quit.

As well as fat camps, there should totally be quitting camps as well!

But of course, the desire to quit has to be there for this method to work. Otherwise the person will pick up smoking again as soon as he/she is back in warmer, more comfortable climes again.

And to make these quitting camps feasible, the people, or clients if you will, can get similar jobs to their normal jobs at home or just do work around the camp and earn money that way.

It has got to be cheaper, even if it is slower, than using those nicotine patches and whatever other nicotine products are out there.

Early Morning Energy

Most people fit into one of two groups; a morning person, capable of disgusting amounts of energy and cheerfulness at a horrible hour or not a morning person.

Guess which group I belong to.

Although, like just about everybody else, I have found a way to combat my morning drowsiness; a good strong cup of coffee or two in the morning ... seriously, the genious who invented coffee should become a saint. He/she can become the patron saint of the shiftworker, or anybody else who has to get up at odd and (usually) disgusting hours.

So naturally after my two very strong cups of coffee this morning I was feeling particuarly perky. Even if I did go a bit quiet on the train to Melbourne. But I perked right up again when we got to Sunshine, and while I was waiting for the train to pull up next to a platform at Southern Cross I had time to inspect the rest of the carriage;

Apart from a whispered conversation at the back, it was almost completely silent. Only a couple of other people besides me were stirring. Most were still sleeping.

And that's when it hit me;

I was the first out of my seat. I was the one bouncing excitedly on the balls of my feet. I was probably the one with the stupid cheerful grin plastered on my face.

I was one of them!

And by them I mean one of those disgustingly bright and cheerful morning people who everyone hates to be around until after mid morning (at the earliest).

I felt kind of indecent to be feeling so energetic.

At least things changed once I was off the train and mingled with the rest of the Melbournians who had already had their all important two cups* of morning coffee. The hustle and bustle of peak hour meant that being energetic and all that is a good thing. Not something to be ashamed of while on the train.

Still, it's not as bad as that time I merrily bounced into the servo at five am full of sickening cheerfulness and energy. I really did deserve the bleary eyed look f disgust from the other customers that day.


*two cups is just an estimated amount.

The Latest Schmackos Commercial

I would've really liked to have found the commercial on youtube. But after 30 minutes of searching and not being able to find it, I've been forced to concede defeat and that maybe I should've waited to watch the ad a second time on TV before trying to locate it online (since I didn't really pay too much attention the first time).

But we're all familiar with Roger and his woman, which is probably a good thing considering how little images of them I can find online at the moment.

The image of Roger (even if my suspicions about it are correct and it is fake) does kind of fit in with the latest Schmackos commercial I saw tonight.

The commercial starts off with that woman of his ordering take away. Seconds later her Noodle Box delivered along with some Schmackos for Roger, who is so excited by this that he magically creates a romantic dinner setting for him and his woman. The commercial ends with them enjoying a romantic dinner together - the woman lovingly hand feeding him little morsels of food across the table.

You see the reason why I didn't pay close to attention to what particular Schmackos product was being advertised don't you?

I was strongly reminded of Marjoe and Champers ... although, unlike Champers, Roger

seems just as into it as his woman.

So now I can't help but wonder if Schmackos is targeting people who love their dogs a little too much. Are these the only dog owners who buy schmackos for their dogs, while the rest buy another brand of dog treat.

I think that maybe after this particular commercial Schmackos sales are going to decline as people decide that they don't want people to think that they're into beastiality and buy another brand that doesn't imply they're into that shiz.

This is a commercial that was not at all well thought out when they came up with it.

How To Make Sure That the Tourists Don't Bother You

It's summer time, which means it's turo season.

Anyone who lives in a tourist hotspot will know just how annoying turos are, and wants nothing more for them to "piss off back home!"

That solution would make everyone much, much happier. But it's a well known fact that turos are selfish, inconsiderate bastards who are stupid beyond belief. So they're not going to make everyone's life easier by going back home. They're going to make everyone's life as miserable as possible and remain as turos for as long as possible.

So that leaves everyone else with the choice of putting up with the crowds of turos or becoming a hermit for the tourist season or packing up and going somewhere else and become a turo themselves.

Not the best choices.

But there's a way to fight back against the turos.

Actually there's a number of ways to fight back against them. Unfortunately, though, the most satisfying ways (like seeing who can get the most points mowing them down in the car) are a little bit illegal and will most likely land you in jail. And if you end up in jail the turo has won.

The best way to fight the turo while not breaking the law is by not showering and becoming very pungent. You can even take it a step further and put on some make up

that makes you look even more feral than you smell, and if you can blacken a couple of teeth you'd look very frightening to the turo, who'd make sure to get out of your way when you go out to do your day to day activities.

Imagine that; being able to walk around unhindered by turos in the height of tourist season! That's a win for you, the local.

And if you walk around carrying an empty beer can (since you'd get in trouble with a full can of beer), and talk like a loud ladette/ocka, you probably will only see the back of the turos when you're out.

However, there is one little drawback to this; your friends will probably won't want anything to do with you while you're being a smelly feral local.

But this is where the plan gets even better;

One smelly, feral local is good and all. But that won't really keep the turos away. They'll just be avoiding you. If you get all of your friends and family to do the same as you, and walk around in large, loud groups the turo should hopefully be scared away from ever visiting the town after a couple of seasons of this. And if the teenagers are given the summer job of hanging around in large groups near the turos faveorite places the turos will be scared away even faster, because we all know that the scariest thing in the world is a large, obnoxious group of teenagers.