The Apocalypse Free Weekend

Saturday 21st May 2011
1:15pm

So apparently I shouldn’t think about things that scare me when I’m tired and susceptible to the workings of my active imagination.

Last night after talking about the Zombie Apocalypse (which still hasn’t happened) and mum’s scary geese that used to chase me, I had dreams filled with apocalyptic zombie geese.

Really not all that cool.

But what’s worse is that the couple of times I woke up, I was just that paranoid that every breath of wind outside sounded like a ghost or something was out to get me … I don’t know why I thought ghosts when it was the apocalyptic zombie geese filling my dreams, but there you go.

I was grateful to wake up this morning and find myself perfectly unattacked by those damn zombies, though. Less grateful about the fact that the Zombie Apocalypse made me so uneasy in the first place. I mean, the whole thing really is just taking the piss out of the crazy fundamentalists. So it really shouldn’t be giving me bad dreams or anything.

And I must also point out that at this time it doesn’t look like the Zombie Apocalypse is going to happen. I mean I haven’t left the house yet or even turned on the TV to watch the news or anything. But I can hear plenty of cars driving around, and zombie lore seems to state that zombies cannot drive. So that and the fact that mum’s neighbours sounded alive and healthy and definitely unzombie like, leads me to believe there is no imminent danger from the Zombie Apocalypse.

But who knows?

It might actually rely upon the soulless bodies of the raptured. So I guess if the rapture hasn’t happened yet, then of course there wouldn’t be any zombies running around … although mum’s neighbours are good little Catholics, and they’re still unraptured. So maybe the fundamentalists got the apocalypse dates wrong … or it’s just not going to happen.

Really can’t say I’m all that surprised about the whole thing really.
This is like the fourth supposed apocalypse in my life time. I’m sure I’m going to live through plenty more.

3:53pm

Well, after that little trip down the street, I’m happy to say that there’s no zombies running around, attacking people. But at the same time, it was eerily quiet down there. The only other times I have seen it so empty is during the Grand Final match in September.

It would appear that while people were in fact raptured, their soulless bodies haven’t been left behind to become zombies.

No Zombie Apocalypse for us.

Probably a good thing considering my complete lack of weaponry here at mum’s. if I’m going to have to face a Zombie Apocalypse, I’d like to do so at dad’s; he at least has some guns and a couple of fantastic zombie proof hiding places I can lay low in for awhile … zombies can’t climb trees can they?

9:53pm

After dinner and drinks at Pippa’s, I can safely report that continued complete lack of Zombie Apocalypse.

I’m pretty certain that there hasn’t even been any kind of rapture event … although that might just be our family; turns out that no one is particularly Christian in the family. Not even Pippa, which surprises me, because she’s all about keeping up appearances … and being a church going Christian would be the perfect way to keep up appearances … I must say that I’m impressed that she’s not Christian.

But there have been other signs of the lack of a rapture event. The most obvious being the lack of empty clothes just lying around everywhere. I’m pretty sure that the council isn’t as competent enough to clean up all of the clothes on the sly without any kind of sign.

Even if the Geelong City Council is competent enough to hide away the clothes of the raptured without anyone noticing, they wouldn’t be able to hide all of the naked bodies floating up towards heaven.

Pretty sure that little spectacle would’ve been noted by at least one person.
So it’s looking like that May 21st 2011 is, in fact, not the end of the world.
Take that, you stupid Christian fundamentalists! Proven wrong once again.

Sunday 22 May 2011
2:33pm

Good news!

I now have a pair of weather appropriate shoes to wear this winter. Thanks to mum and her wonderful birthday gift giving generosity, I now have a pair of brogues (or something along those lines) that won’t soak my feet at the tiniest sign of wet weather.

Huzzah!

Although, on the down side, I can’t wear them when I’m running, since they’re distinctly not running shoes. So I’m still going to have to wear the Volley’s when I run. Even in wet weather.

Blurgh!

But whatever. I guess it’s all good practise for when I eventually join the army.

3:33pm

Damn Megan! Damn her to hell!

Well, actually damning her to hell might be a little drastic. Especially given that I’m not all that annoyed with her … actually not annoyed at her. Just annoyed at what she pointed out.

In the last few years I’ve noticed that I’ve started to stutter a little. It’s especially noticeable when I’m drinking. But I’ve always thought it was in my head, the stutter, so never really gave it much thought.

But the other night Megan called me out on it before we went to mum’s birthday dinner.

I have a stutter noticeable enough for others to call me out on it!

And I don’t even know why I started stuttering in recent years. It’s not like I’m all that highly strung or anything. And it has never been a problem in the past.
So I have no idea what the hell it’s about.

But it’s definitely something I’m going to have to work on.