My Thoughts on "The Truth About Zombies"

First off let me begin by saying my plan of heading for the hills at the first sign

of a zombie apocalypse is a good one. I'm basing this on the fact that's precisely what the survivalist interview in the zombie doco would do. So I've got to be onto a good plan there. Although I might have to say goodbye to Josie, since it'll be hard to keep track of her while running from zombies in the bush.

But by the sounds of the zombie doco an actual zombie apocalypse is very unlikely. Unless, of course, scientists have actually created a rage virus just like in 28 Days Later or the rabies virus mutates and becomes faster acting and a hell of a lot easier to spread. But this will probably require the help of scientists.

Of course there's always the possibility that there's a few necromancers running around the world. In which case zombies don't need the help of science to become a reality. The necromancers have dark, zombie creating magic to rely on!

But then the zombie doco did imply that necromancers do exist in the form of cult leaders.

Like we needed another reason to fear cults and those who lead them!

But that's what the makers of The Truth About Zombies said; all cult leaders have the power of hypnotising their followers and turning them into brain dead zombies who do whatever they're told ... although truthfully, I think that they were looking for a realistic zombie metaphor and cults and their leaders were an easy connection to make.

I would've really been far more impressed if they had have said that drugs and those who peddle them being more necromatic and zombie creating. I mean the writers

of The New Adventures of Captain Planet made that connection, and really the drug addicted zombie does sound way scarier than the brain washed cult zombie.

So it really sounds like the zombie doco people believe zombies are a way to express concerns about social problems; if people are participating in something morally questionable then they become zombies and create more victims who become zombies themselves. It sounds like I really don't have anything to worry about when it comes to zombies and the impending zombie apocalypse. As long as I stay away from anything morally questionable, that is!

Zombie Documentary

Ok, so I'm a little worried after looking at the TV guide; Nat Geo is airing a documentary about zombies, and I don't know why.

Are the people of Nat Geo aware of something that the rest of us aren't?

Are we about to face a zombie apocalypse?

When I say zombie apocalypse I mean some zombie like pandemic like 28 Days Later showed ... really, it doesn't matter if it's zombies or a zombie like disease really. If something like this is going to happen it doesn't matter if it's real zombies or infected people who are like super angry, super fast zombies. Either way we should be out stock piling weapons to survive the zombie apocalypse.

Or is it because of the recent Judgement Day and all of the talk of the zombie apocalypse surrounding it that has prompted the zombie doco?

Is this doco nothing more than an exploration into the sudden popularity of zombies in pop culture?

I sincerely hope it's nothing more than examining why zombies have suddenly become so popular in recent years. I really don't think I could survive a zombie apocalypse. In fact a facebook quiz I took on the subject said that I wouldn't survive one.

But you can guarantee that I'll be watching The Truth About Zombies to find out why there's a documentary about zombies.

The New Adventures of Captain Planet

We all grew up watching and loving Captain Planet. So we're all more than pretty familiar with the opening.



I think it's safe to say that this opening is a much loved classic.

And then there's The New Adventures of Captain Planet. The opening for this isn't quite as good as the original. In fact, I'd say it's as bad as the other is good.



That rap is horrible, and I don't know about you, but I can't quite tell what the rapping lips seems to think of Captain Planet. Do the lips agree with all that Captain Planet and the Planeteers do and stand for? Or do the lips sympathise with the eco villians?

Then there's also the darker turn that The New Adventures of Captain Planet seems to take. The villains are far more serious about killing the Planeteers ... actually Hoggish Greedly doesn't seem to have his heart in killing them. He just appears to want them out of the way while he does his thing. And so far Looten Plunder seems happy to do everything legally and doesn't seem interested in killing the Planeteers. He's satisfied in rubbing their noses in his victory.

But the rest of the villians seem dead set in killing the Planeteers and anyone else who gets in their way. Dr Blight locked Wheeler's cousin in a cage with her killer guard dogs, for example, and she would've happily locked all of the planeteers in there if she had've been given the chance. Then there was the knife weilding poacher. She and her mates were happy to stab and kill anyone who got in their way ... actually they weren't too picky about how they killed people. Just as long as people who got in their way died they were happy.

The one I find most disturbing, however is Verminous Skumm. Granted, his plan was pretty genious in a very dark and twisted way; he created an army drug addicted zombies to do his bidding and even managed to get Linka addicted ... that was actually a very shocking episode. Not only was there the unexpected drug issue, but Linka got called a "stupid cow" before she joined the drug addicted zombie ranks, and then her cousin died. Not exactly the stuff of children's cartoons. At least not anymore.

The death of Linka's cousin was only slightly more shocking than Looten Plunder winning (and doing so within the law)in another episode. I always remembered Captain Planet always beating the bad guys and saving the environment. I clearly didn't watch enough of The New Adventures of Captain Planet. These darker episodes probably have several times where the bad guys win. But with the Looten Plunder winning episode I couldn't help but take in the message that the best way to save the environment is to go out and become some sort of eco activist/terrorist since the courts and the legal way are a joke and don't work. Captain Planet's saying of "The power is yours!" suddenly takes on a new meaning ... little wonder that the greenies are the way they are today.

And as you've probably guessed, The New Adventures of Captain Planet don't just tackle environmental issues. Probably because there's only so many episodes they can do before people get bored with it. So the Planeteers now also fight issues such as puppy farming, aides, drugs, the evils of using animals in the circus, having a responsibly sized family etc etc. There's probably more issues that go under the umbrella of social conscious than the environmental umbrella, I just havn't seen those episodes yet.

It'll be interesting to see what other non environmentrally based issues Captain Planet and the Planeteers face and just how dark the episode will get. For a children's cartoon, some of the episodes are very dark and confronting. But then, I guess it was made in the days before molly coddling and wrapping children up in cotton wool because they just won't be able to handle anything we deem to shocking. Maybe it's time children's cartoons went back to the darker shiz, because I'm sure children can handle it.

But until then, THE POWER IS YOURS!

When You Don't Pay Attention to the News

Not only do you find yourself in massively large crowds excitedly awaiting the queen's arrival and the complete lack of tram services, but also you're confused about why everyone is wearing red.

Everywhere I looked, people were wearing red. Some people even went as far as fashioning themselves robes out of red material. There were just groups and groups of people in red wherever I looked! And the significance of it has completely escaped me!

Nothing about wearing red today was mentioned in the five minutes of news I watched this morning, so I couldn't think hard and remember what I had heard.

So naturally I just assumed that it was some weird ritual of Occupy Melbourne.

That assumption, however, went out the window when I got back to Flinders street and saw a group of grungy looking, chain smoking hippies sitting outside the station. Presumbably they were sticking it to the man, which would explain the continued heavy presense of the police around Fed Square.

These people looked more like the Occupy Melbourne lot than the red robe wearing people I saw amongst the crowd waiting for the queen.

This is What Happens When You Don't Pay Attention to the News,

You're confronted by these scenes and have no idea what's going on.

Actually, I did happen to watch just enough of the news to hear that the queen was visiting Melbourne today. So it didn't take me long after seeing the Fed Square crowds to remember what was happening.

Fighting through crowds I couldn't help but wish I had've paid more attention to her itinerary this morning. Or least least put Fed Square + a visit from the queen = St Kilda rd a no go.

But I didn't. And that is why I found myself in the middle of the hysteria of the queen visiting.

What really blew my mind was how long some of the people had been waiting there for. Since I didn't get there at the crack of dawn yesterday, I could only find a place to view the goings on from outside Flinders station. By the sounds of the conversations around me many people had wagged school (fair enough, that), or had just not bothered going back to the office after lunch.

Still, I figured that maybe the crowds would thin out a bit once I walked down St Kilda rd. They didn't.

I basically had to walk half the distance to my location before I came to the end of the road block. And with a heavy bag and no water, it was not a fun walk. It was actually quite painful.

All that being said though, I totally saw the queen! And I do have this little momento to remember this day, which may just end up on ebay.

A Sign That Things are About to Change?

I have a job interview for a position with as a studio photographer. Apart from my resume I also have to bring some of my photos so that they can see just what kind of eye I have.

Ok, no problem. That's actually quite easy.

Except for the fact that I currently don't have any photos with people in them that I'm happy with.

Still not exactly a problem.

I could've gone out yesterday and taken some. I was already out and about because of my CVGT appointment.

But I didn't

The weather was crappy and I was sleep deprived and was feeling a little wildly emotional. No taking photos for me yesterday.

I still had today though. Except that the weather was once again crappy and I just could not work up the energy to go out and face such cold crappy conditions even though the photography interview is on Thursday and I'm going to be in Melbourne all day (where I suppose I could take these much needed pictures ... this thought has only just occurred to me).

But then I was thrown a life line;

The photography studio rang me asking if it would be ok to reschedule the interview for Friday instead.

It's more than just ok, guys!

And now I have the chance to go and get pictures of people near Central Square and/or Sturt st.

I just sat back and hoped for the best, and that's exactly what happened ... well actually, the best would be for me to sit back and find that I magically have amazing pictures that will land me the job on my camera. But since the key word there is "magically" I'll just have to settle for this situation.

So now I'm kind of hoping that my luck as turned around and that this is a sign that soon I will no longer be under the thumbs of Centre Link and CVGT.

Drivers Who Are Too Cool To Indicate

We all know and are frustrated by these unpredictable drivers who believe themselves too cool to indicate at intersections. But we usually assume that these heroes are young drivers and/or male (usually of the hoon variety).

I don't know about you, but I certainly never imagined that women on the older end of middle aged could be part of this group.

And yet, I was almost hit by two, yes two, middle aged to old women today who felt themselves to be above the passe task of indicating. I guess they just assumed that I had the power of mind reading.

Actually, the first woman to almost hit me at an intersection was eldery and driving around the corner so slowly that I could've done a dance routine and still get out of the way. And if she had of hit me, I would've been unlucky to be bruised.

Still, slow elderly style driving is still no excuse for not indicating!

I don't think she understood why I shouted "Indicate!" at her once I was safely on the footpath. Stupid woman.

The other woman, however, was a different story. If she'd hit me, she would have caused me some serious damage.

Since this was the second incident in the same day of drivers feeling themselves too cool to indicate I was feeling far less tolerant of their idiocy. This woman recieved an even angrier shout of "Indicate, you stupid woman!"

Both these women glared at me as though it was my fault I found myself in their path as they tried turning. So maybe it's just me, but I tend not to make a habit of seeing a car indicating which way it's about to go and rush to get in front of it. But judging by how both these women glared at me, that's precisely what they do.

Or maybe they both possess the power of telepathy, and assume that everyone else does to, so indicating is just an exercise in futility.

But really, these drivers who are just way too cool to indicate need to have their licenses revoked and forced to run an obstacle course with drivers who don't indicate and see how they like it.

Maybe that will teach the morons.

If iPhones and Facebook Had've Existed in Napoleon's Day

Napoleon Bonaparte
That pommy bastard, Nelson, totes destroyed all my ships. Now stranded in Egypt :(
Horatio Nelson and two others like this
Jean-Baptiste Colbert
At least this gives us time to look at some of the amazing stuff here

Napoleon Bonaparte
Totes just squashed an uprising. Now to deal with those trouble makers and make sure it doesn't happen again

Napoleon Bonaparte
Faced some rebels in Jaffa. Starting to run out of ammo. Told the boys to use their bayonets to save bullets.

Horatio Nelson
Totes helping the Ottoman forces against Napoleon
Napoleon Bonaparte
dislike! >:(
Napoleon Bonaparte
Piss off you pommy bastard!
Horatio Nelson
:p

Napoleon Bonaparte
The Egypt campaign went well, I think. Blasted the hell out of the towns that put up resistance. Now trying not to get the Plague from some of the sick soldiers.
Horatio Nelson
Liar! You were totes defeated, mate

Napoleon Bonaparte
Back in France, and been named the ruler of this fine nation
Horatio Nelson
dislike!
six people like this

Words I Hate

We all have words that we hate, whether rationally or irrationally ... actually, I think the reason why you hate a particular word is rational to you. It's just the rest of the world that thinks it's irrational.

For me it's "prehistoric" that really vexes me.

Google has helped me locate a definition just in case anyone is unclear about the definition of "prehistoric";

"pre·his·tor·ic/ˌprē(h)iˈstôrik/
Adjective:

Of, relating to, or denoting the period before written records.
Very old, primitive, or out of date."

Simple enough, right?

"Prehistoric" = very old/before written records.

Except that the prefix "pre" kind of implies "before history." "Pre" is what everyone adds to words when they want to imply that it was before something. But how can something be pre ... ahem! ... before history?

It can't!

Not unless that something happened to have existed before The Big Bang. So really, the only creatures that the term "prehistoric" can really apply to are the Nibblonians.

Or, alternatively, the term "prehistoric" refers to the fact that Time is in fact circular and just keeps repeating. In which case, "prehistoric" means what's about to happen in near future.

You see the confusion now?

And all because some fool decided to add a prefix to the word "historic."

Colgate Sensitive Pro Relief

Every couple of years this ad, or something very similar to it, get's released. For years it has bugged me. I have always known that it wasn't really shot in a shopping centre filled with real shoppers. But I have never been able to figure out just what it is that gives this away.

Until today.

Watch it now and see if you can pin point what gives it away that the people behind it have gone to great lengths to try and pretend that it's real testimonial from people who aren't actors.



Did you get it?

It's taken me awhile, but I finally figured out what the give away is; while there is plenty of background noise as the Colgate guy talks to the people who aren't actors, it's not shopping centre background noise. It's just the sound of a lot of people walking.

Now I'm sure that many of you have been to enough shopping centres enough times in your life to know that it's alive with hundreds of conversations. Sometimes music is even audible over the sounds of everyone talking.

I have never been to a shopping centre where the sounds of people talking could not be heard.

Does This Actually Work?

I assume that most people are familiar enough with facebook to know how friend requests work. So I have no idea why this ad is trying to pretend to be some sort of

spammy slut ad. It's immediately obvious to any fool that it's not a genuine facebook friend request ... and yes, I did click it just to see where it led me.

And I can't imagine that it would get many hits. Once again, I am making assumptions here, but I assume that most people wouldn't click on it just on principal; how good can something be if it has to try and pretend to be a spammy slut ad?

That to me just screams "This product is actually crap! Very crap." And I can't be alone in thinking that.

So, I'm sorry, cupid.com. I'm sure you provide a premium online dating service ... actually, no, I don't. As I've already said, you're ad has convinced me otherwise.

Last Night's Dream

A group of us decided to go to a popular alternative festival. In fact it was so popular it was really main stream and kind of very hard to get tickets. But it was still considered alternative.

Since the festival took place out of town in the middle of nowhere, the tickets also included accomodation on the site. And we were all pleasantly surprised to find that the accomodation was far superior to the crappy little tents in a field we had been expecting. Instead we got two people rooms that looked as though they had come straight from some hoighty-toighty six star hotel. Although it didn't quite look so high class once we had settled in.

Because we arrived late the first day we decided to skip the festivities for the rest of the day and just drink and have fun in one of the rooms (some rooms came with TV's and gaming consoles). We went out to get some drinks and returned to find the room had been searched by someone (the lock on the door that had so carefully been locked no longer existed). After a quick look, we established that nothing had been taken.

For some reason I decided to go back to my room for something, and found that it had also been gone through. Before I had time to react to this fact, two girls emerged from the bathroom wearing some of my and my room mate's clothes. They explained to me and my room mate that that's what happened as part of the festival; you could just walk into anyone's room and go through their things and even try on their stuff. It was cool unless you actually took something without the owner's permission.

That added a new twist to the whole thing. And with those two girls now part of our group we went around to different rooms and snooped around Come Dine With Me style. Actually I think we were far nosier than that. We were actually wearing everyone's clothes.

The next day we were waiting outside Walmart to get into the festival. Even though we were early, there was still a massive line to get in. Once inside it was very disappointing. There were suspicious brown streaky stains on the floor and the entire place reeked. All around the store groups of people stood around drinking beer and/or smoking.

After complaining about what a let down the whole festival was we were informed that there were different bands and/or parties happening behind the doors all around the room. We went through the nearest door.

We were in a bar lounge in an old shed listening to music and just chatting. Tomas had his new blind hairless aquatic rat that needs to be in water but can breathes oxygen stumbling around on the table. Although everyone kept expressing concern about how the aquatic rat should be placed in water, nothing was done about it except someone dropping a glass of beer on it and knocking it off the table in the process. It landed on it's back and struggled to right itself, and when it did it continued to stumble around on the floor with sand covering its back.

2011 Rapture

So the "day" of judgement has passed. It took five months, but the "day" has finally passed. Well actually, the "day" ended yesterday. I just completely forgot about it, since, you know, a five month day and all.

So it turns out that all of the hysterical hype about the rapture back in May was for nothing. But then most of the people banging on about were probably like me and didn't realise that the day would in fact last five months instead of the usual 24 hours, as, you know, makes total sense. So it's little wonder that the zombie apocalypse didn't take place when everyone expected.

Apparently, pranksters should've left their clothes lying on the street yesterday instead.

And now we should probably be on the lookout for zombies now that the "day" of the judgement has passed we should probably be on the lookout for hordes of maruading zombies. Unless of course this apocalypse isn't the zombie producing apocalypse.

Still, anyone who went missing in the last five months could be said to have been raptured. They proved themselves holy and pure and all that shiz. I can't say that I'm surprised by the lack of raptured people. We're all a pretty sinful lot ... not that it's hard to sin by the standards God has set out for us if Dante's Inferno is anything to go by.

Now we sit back and wait and see if the last five months was in fact the "day" of judgement and the apocalypse is now nigh or if it's been like many of the other raptures of the past.

Further Thoughts on Dante's Inferno

Apart from the incrediable doucheness of God in Dante's Inferno I can't get over how well mannered everyone appeared.

When you think of all those sinful souls sent down to hell you don't exactly think well bred gentlemen with faultless manners. You'd think scoundrels and rogues with few, if any, manners.

But not the sinners in Inferno!

It's almost like gentlemen meeting up with each other on a Sunday walk;

"I say, vecchio mio, where to you hail from and what landed you this awful place?"
"Alas, mine is a sad story, vecchio mio! Please recount my story to others so that my fame may spread."
"Of course, vecchio mio!"

Even many of the demons seemed to have courtly manners. At the very least, they were courteous to Virgil and the pilgrim.

The only souls who were rude were the wrathful ones, suffering for their wrath in life.

Dante's Inferno

I usually don't read poetry. I find the language of poems to be flowerly, abstract idioms and similies that are impossible to comprehend. Especially if the poetry is medieval works.

So I was pleasantly surprised to find Inferno by Dante to be really easy to read and understand. When I first opened it I didn't expect to actually enjoy reading it. I expected to throw the book across the room in disgust after a couple of verses. But the exact opposite happened, and now I find myself lusting to read Purgatory as I had been lusting after Inferno.

But one thing I did notice about Inferno is that the God in it is a complete jerk, little better than the fearsome demons and sinners that inhabit Hell. It seems that the only thing that makes God better than Lucifer is that God is the stronger of the two and beat Lucifer in a fight for the hearts and souls of humanity.

I don't know who would want to worship Dante's God.

Dante's God is every bit just as cruel and sadistic as Lucifer and his army of

demons. The hell visited by Dante is proof of this. What kind of benelovent, loving and forgiving God would come up with such cruel punishments as those mentioned in Inferno?

Surely if God was as all loving and all that as is claimed, then hell wouldn't exist. Or at least, it wouldn't have such sadistic punishments for its inhabitants.

The fact that all of the disgusting foul beings still bow down to God's wishes proves that God isn't much different to the feared and reviled demons of Lucifer. In fact, it proves that God is worse than Lucifer. God pretends to be something which he is not, while Lucifer doesn't pretend to be anything otherwise ... actually, by ruling over hell and over seeing the torment of sinners as God ordained, Lucifer is just following orders.

I guess that's the whole point of Heaven and Hell in religion; separate the righteous from the sinners. Even if that means the all loving, benelovent god has to create a zest pool of torment and suffering and go against everything he/she stands for by doing so. How else are the righteous to be rewarded?

Still it kind of seems childish and unjust to punish those who weren't believers in their life times simply because the worship of the one God hadn't been introduced to them. So many Ancients languish in the first cicrle of Hell simply because the worship of Dante's God wasn't known to them. Apparently, ignorance of God is a sin that is completely unforgivable. Even if God wasn't introduced to the world until centuries (or even millenia) after the had died.

And if you're lucky enough to live in the time of the One Almighty God, getting into heaven still isn't a guaranteed. In fact, God seems to set out to make getting into Heaven impossible. Staying on the correct, righteous path in life is mean feat. Many a Christain is likey to stray from this path without even realising it.

The God that Dante worship seems to take great pleasure in luring his faithful little Christains from the path he wants them to take, and then punishing them for it. It's almost as though he's nothing more than a bored teen playing a game of The Sims.

The only reason I can see why Dante and his peers (by which I mean the entire medieval population) worshipped their God is because they wanted to please God and avoid being sent down to Hell. But since their God is impossible to please, it was a futile attempt and they probably would've been better off sacrifsing their first borns to God, or simply just startinh worshipping another being in the hopes of God being dethroned by their new god.

This evil, petulant God does not seem worthy of worship.

Surely The Devine Comedy is a tongue in cheek poke at God and the craziness of worshipping such an evil, sadistic being.

Warning Labels

I'm probably not alone in thinking that some warning labels are just so stupid that if a person was to go against it, they deserve to die.

But what's even more worrying that generally these warning labels only appear after some stupid person did it and then sued the company for their own stupidity. So it's understandable that companies want to protect themselves against further law suits and put out these incrediably stupid warnings, like not using electrical items when in the bath or shower.

But really, if a person is stupid enough not to realise what they're doing is dangerous and will probably end with them being serious injured or killed, then that person really doesn't deserve to live.

Let's bring back survival of the fittest.

Let the stupid people do their stupid stunts like using a hair dryer while showering, or consuming that bottle of viscous liquid.

That's right, I'm talking about Social Darwinism.

That's basically how we became the way we are today; the strongest and smartest people didn't get themselves killed doing stupid things and were therefore able to reproduce and pass on their strong and smart genes to the next generation. I'm pretty certain that we as a species wouldn't be so successful today if it had've been the stupid passing on their stupid genes.

I mean, if you don't realise that kitty litter isn't for human consumption (there is actually a brand of kitty litter with that on it) without the help of a warning label then you really have no hope and, quite frankly, I'm surprised you can actually read the warning label.

But not all warning labels are about saving lives. At least not directly. Take a look at this (which I'm aware isn't technically a warning label):

"Dispose of solid waste in trash"
"Dispose of used litter in waste"

And here I was making the cats use the tray and then tossing all of the solid waste to the side when the tray whenever the tray needed to be cleaned. The used litter is in another little pile next to the solid waste.

Seriously, what kind of people need spelled out to them?

It's about time companies and society remembered it's all about survival of the fittest, and by providing these foolish people with warning labels, they're not helping the rest of us.

I'm pretty sure future generations will thank us for the removal of warning labels.



Also, I'm aware that young children like to do all the stuff I've just raged against. But they're too young to know any better. That's where good parenting comes in so that they learn what's stupid and what's not.

Today's Trip to Melbourne

Today's trip to Melbourne was disappointing. Disappointing on all counts.

Well, almost all counts.

Usually when I go to Melbourne I see at least one nutter do something incrediably crazy. But no such luck today. The closest I came to seeing something like this was a couple of fools at the lights waiting for the green light to get the correct shade of green before going.

But still, I had the job interviews. Even if that meant many hours of waiting between them.

Actually, my first appointment wasn't really an interview. More of chance for me to pay the deposit for my photoshoot so that I can start working as an extra.

The other appointment was an interview. An interview for a sales job. I went in confident that I'd get the job. Apart from the almost face plant while talking, the phone interview went well.

After learning how many people applied for the job my confidence waned. I had about a three percent chance of being successful. Generally, I feel a lot more confident when my chances of being successful are significantly larger.

Still, I was promised to know by the end of the if I was successful or not. I wasn't. But at least I only had to anxiously keep checking my phone every couple of minutes for an hour instead of days.

The Life of Kevin the Spaceman

Little is known about Kevin the spaceman. The only thing that can definitively be said about Kevin is that he’s a spaceman and that his name is Kevin, although some doubt that this is his real name.

Before he appeared in a space brawl in a backwater mining colony in the Sextans C galaxy, there is no record of Kevin. He only told the law enforcers that his name was Kevin, and that’s what he’s been known as ever since.

Kevin didn’t stay long in the mining colony for long after the brawling incident. Within days of the event, he was on a cruise ship out. He was seen disembarking on a holiday planet known for its dangerous adventures. Most of the visitors to the planet are mostly rich young adults wanting a little more excitement in their lives. Their taste for danger is usually sated after a weekend on this planet.

And so it seemed with Kevin. He was seen within days of arriving embarking a cruise ship heading towards the Reinmuth 80 galaxy. No one can actually account for his few days on the planet. He was seen heading towards the wild rapids where the Delmaicks, firing breathing fish, are known to nest. Since no one else was foolhardy enough to mess with the Delmaicks, no one actually knows if Kevin faced them or not. He just returned at the departing terminal days later, his clothes muddied and a little ripped.

For the entire trip to the Reinmith 80 galaxy Kevin just stayed inside his room and had the staff bring him his meals twice a day. He disembarked from the ship at the first port in the Reinmuth 80 galaxy.

In the busy space port he became an enforcer. The dangerous work of the enforcers seemed to really appeal to Kevin’s sense of adventure. He particularly enjoyed being a pilot, and it wasn’t long before he was captain of his own ship, in charge of hunting down pirates, smugglers and other law breakers.

It wasn’t long before Kevin’s success brought him to the attention his superiors, and he was offered a much easier, better paying job in the office. Kevin reluctantly accepted the promotion and almost instantly regretted his decision. He pleaded to be allowed to go back to captaining his ship. When he wasn’t allowed to, Kevin left the enforcer ranks.

He purchased himself an old wreck of a ship and hired out a mechanic's garage. While he worked on his ship Kevin remained hidden away in his garage, only emerging to eat at a nearby diner or to purchase more materials for his ship.

Then one day Kevin emerged from his garage much earlier than usual. He appeared more cheerful than usual to everyone, even going as far as having lunch at the tavern instead of the diner and shouting everyone present to many drinks as the day progressed.

After a few hours Kevin quietly slipped off. Residents watched as he returned to his garage. Shortly afterwards his ship was seen lifting off from the planet, and Kevin wasn’t seen in that space port ever again.

Kevin hopped from planet to planet in the Reinmuth 80 galaxy. It very quickly became clear to anyone who crossed paths with him, that Kevin was very adept at learning new languages and excelled when dealing with new and different cultures. It wasn’t long before Kevin was being sort out by merchant captains and even enforcers to help translate the native languages for them.

After releasing a couple of books about some of his more famous adventures that usually involved enforcers and even a kidnapped prince, Kevin took a holiday in the middle of the Black Eye Galaxy. It was there he planned his most dangerous and daring adventure yet; exploration of the Milky Way Galaxy at the edge of the known universe.

It took Kevin longer than he would’ve liked to organise this voyage. But eventually everything was prepared and he had turned down dozens of offers of people joining him on this trip. Kevin hated to spend long trips in confined space ships with others. He preferred to do his exploring in his own company.

Many people turned up to watch Kevin depart for what many expected was the last time. No one expected to see Kevin return to their part of the universe ever again. Although Kevin had refused to let anyone else accompany him on the trip, he did agree to have a camera recording and stream everything. This allowed people tune in and see what was happening and how Kevin was coping whenever they wanted.

An electrical interference near the Sunflower galaxy put an end to this live streaming. A couple of search parties were sent out. But since nothing was found of Kevin or his spaceship many assumed that he had died. He was mourned and then forgotten, remembered by a select few who’d had the pleasure of working with him at some point.

But that wasn’t the end of Kevin. The electrical interference not only destroyed most of the ship’s electrical wiring, but it also made fall unconscious where he fell. It was only by lucky chance that the systems controlling oxygen weren’t destroyed, otherwise Kevin would’ve died.

When Kevin came to, he was dismayed to find that he had no control of his ship, and appeared to be in an uncivilised part of the universe. He had no choice but to sit around as his ship slowly drifted through space and hope that he’d soon reach a planet with life on it.

Tooheys Beer

It has to be said, Tooheys Beer really has an amazing advertising department. Their ads are always so creative and unique. Plus they also have the power to keep my interest. Probably because I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to beer and the advertising symbolism of each different company.

But Tooheys latest ad is proof enough of this.



But like I said, if I wasn't so ignorant of beer and the symbolism used the deer might have clued me in to the fact that I was watching a Tooheys Beer ad.

I'm clueless when it comes to anything beer related.

Although, now that I've seen the ad it's all very obvious what the ad is for. That's the blessing of hindsight!

Lesson Learned

This weekend I learned a hard, soul crushing lesson; Always have at least two copies of files saved!

I know it seems like common sense, but since I had everything important on my usb, I figured that I was safe from losing all of my important files. I figured that computers crash, not usb's.

Famous last words, right?

Turns out usb's can also fail.

I have lost all of my stories as well as my cover letter and resume ... ok, admittedly, those stories weren't much. But there was a chance that I would recycle them if I decided that no amount of editing could salvage them.

In fact, that's precisely what I was doing; recycling some of my lesser short stories into one big story. And now that has been lost!

I'm not so concerned about the lost resume, since I have emailed it to myself and others that many times, it's just a matter of remembering which email I used to send it and remembering to whom I sent it.

That is, or was, a five minute search. Actually longer, I found a copy of a super detailed cover letter. It's certainly far more superior than the ones I've been spweing out lately. So that's win for me.

But still, my stories!

That is a devestating loss. I am so crushed by it.

From now on, at least two copies of the files will exist, and just to be extra safe, I'll email myself a copy of my work at the end of each day. That should make this odds of this event ever happening to me again extremely unlikely

Planning My Story

Ok so this is what I know about this damn story that has taken control of my mind;

It focuses on one big event that quite possibly destroys the world. It is told from the points of view of different people. Each chapter will be a story dedicated to a different person, because I get bored with the same characters and abandon the story.

So hopefully a new character each chapter will prevent me from getting bored and actually allow me to complete this damn story.

Not sure what the event is just yet. So I really need to figure that out beyond someone getting hit by a car and dying.

Thinking that I can incorporate some of my other attempts at writing a novel into this, since I never really get beyond the first chapter of each novel writing attempt. This means that some of my old characters get a second chance at life (unless I decide to kill them), which should please everyone.

The story takes place in the present or the near future, except for the first chapter, which is yet to be placed somewhere in time.

But I really do need to figure out what the consequences of my space man being hit and killed by the car are. His death is what triggers the events that follow.

So this is what happens so far;

• Zita meets the dragon
• Dean meets the spaceman and has a night out with him
• The spaceman is hit and killed by a car (whether he is with Dean when this happens remains to be seen).

And that is far as I can see.

Hopefully the rest of the story will make itself clear to me as I write about Dean and the spaceman (who may need to be named).

Demonic Neighbours

So it turns out that the caravan park is home to more than just annoying kids on camping trips and demonic possums. It is also home to some kind of horrible, unearthly demon.

Actually, since possums are in fact some kind of demon and they call the caravan park home, I have known this about the caravan park for quite awhile now.

What I mean is that the caravan park is home to multiple varieties of demons. I am only aware of two kinds.

I have no idea what this second kind of demon looks like. All I know is that it likes to emit horrible high pitched screeches at four in the morning when most people either fast alseep (and can't hear it) or too drunk to remember hearing it (if they actually do hear it).

Normally I'd say it was just possums making the sound. But the screech was too high pitched to be a possum. It was almost too high pitched to be made from any kind of creature from earth (demon or not).

It's definitely time that someone called in demon hunters or something, becfore the whole neighbourhood is completely over run with demons. I'd call in the demon hunters myself, but I'm not exactly sure how one goes about calling in people like Buffy or Sam and Dean. So I just have to hold out hope that someone in the neighbourhood does know. Otherwise, it'll be goodbye Ballarat and hello new demonic neighbourhood.

Zombie Test

In sign that zombie movies are quite possibly the most popular movie genre ever created, some wise guy in America has decided to create a zombie test to test just how well people would survive in an actual zombie apocalypse.

Sounds like a good idea, full of fun and exciting times for the contestants, right?

Sure it's fun. It'll be a real laugh for everyone, until the first brain hungry zombie appears and attacks the first victim. Then maybe the whole zombie course thing might not be so much fun for the contestants.

You see, despite my best efforts, I haven't been able to determine if the zombies in this obstacle course are real or not. By the way organisers were talking about the zombies, I'm inclined to think that they are in fact real bona fide zombies.

I really can't see anything fun or exciting (well, ok, I'll give them excitement. Even if it is the wrong kind of excitement) about running for my life from a horde of ravenous brain eating zombies. Especially if I had been under the impression that the zombies weren't real right up until the first killing.

Really can't see the fun times there.

I mean, if was guaranteed that the zombies weren't real, then it would be a huge amount of fun to run around the obstacle course playing Zombie Apocalypse. But only if the zombies are paid actors with make up on.

But what's even more worrying than this (yes, there's actually something more worrying than people willingly signing themselves up to be chased by zombies [truth inadvertising]) is that if the zombies are in fact the real thing, then that means that parts of America (at the very least) have hordes of zombies running around, attacking people for their brains.

Why hasn't this been covered by the media? This has "headline news!" written all over it.

Today's Sojourn to Melbourne

I usually have to wait until I get on the train to Melbourne before I get to see something exciting. But not today!

Today I only had to walk down the road before I saw something;

There's this Greek guy who keeps walking shiftily up and down the street. So I didn't think anything of it when I saw him in the distance. When he turned around and I saw that part of his face was red, I at first thought he was some kind of demon.

But since that's a ridiculous idea, and the fact that he was weaving slightly as he walked, my next thought was that he was incrediably intoxicated and hadn't yet made it home and washed the face paint off.

How wrong I was.

It didn't take me long to realise that it wasn't face paint covering his face and head. It was blood!

The dodgy Greek guy had some kind of serious head injury.

Not that this stopped him from walking down the street while he waited for the police and (I hope) the ambulance. The police arrived on the scene before I had to decide if I wanted to be a good semaritan or ignore the bloodied Greek guy and catch my train.

The flashing police lights caught the attention of a nearby bogan, who felt the need to talk about what was happening. He reckoned that the Greek guy most likely owed someone money ... my belief is that it was him who had the money owing ... or he knows who was owed the money.

Unfortunately nothing else as exciting happened when I got into Melbourne, which is disappointing. Something usually happens in Melbourne, besides the planned events at Fed Square (I think there was some kind of fire eating display there today).

But on the Metro train back to Southern Cross I did learn that bumbags make anyone look like a dweep. There is absolutely nothing cool about bumbags. Not even the drug intoxicated, booze swilling stereotypical bogan can pull that look off without looking so uncool.

Ha! Now I'm implying that drug intoxicated, booze swilling stereotypical bogans are cool in the first place! They're so not. It's just that they're not exactly known to ever look dweepy and the kind of person who's easy to pick on.

Turns out that's exactly what they look like when they're wearing a bumbag!

So all in all, it was a pretty good day, and I hope Wednesday turns out to be just as good, if not better.

Insurance Line - Don't Leave Expensive Funeral Costs Behind

This whole slogan makes it sound like people deliberately go out of their way to die and leave their friends and family to deal with the expensive funeral costs that they couldn't deal with themselves.

And the ad goes even further in implying that these people who die are really truly selfish people ... well, I guess they did just die and now their loved ones have to deal with the expensive funeral costs.

Those selfish bastards, only thinking of themselves when they die!

That's what happens when a person dies, right? They're only thinking of those massive funeral expenses and how to get away from them.

Fair's Fair

Everyone who is banging on about climate change and how we're ruining the planet through it need to stop and think for a second.

Just remember that Mother Nature started this little fight!

Climate change is simply us retaliating ... and (best of all) it's totally justifiable!

Just think about this before you condemn climate change and those who continue to enable climate change;

How many times has the weather suddenly changed from amazingly clear and sunny day to horrible, Londonesque rainy day as soon as you've put a load or two of freshly cleaned laundary on the clothes line?

How many times has a nice family day out at the park, or wherever, been ruined by a last minute weather change?

You know the change I'm talking about; just like the laundary question, the weather appears to be all nice and sunny and the perfect day for a day outside, you get ready and leave only to arrive at your destination and suddenly have the weather change for the worse moments after arrival.

How many big and/or important events been ruined by bad weather when up until the change, all signs pointed to fantastic weather?

I could keep going on, but really, my point has been made; Mother Nature is being a little bitch with us, and has been like this for as long back as we (as a species) can remember.

It was only a matter of time before we (again, as a species) got sick of Mother Nature's shenanigans and retaliated. If Mother Nature can't handle it, then maybe Mother Nature should stop screwing us around so much with the weather and ruining all of our best laid plans.

Early Morning Bird Chatter

Why do birds feel the need to chat so much and so loudly in the mornings?

It's almost as if they feel the need to make up for the almost complete lack of chatting during the night hours. Yes, they even continue to chat at night! Just not so much or as loudly as they do the rest of the time.

Maybe it's because they have so many hours of gossip to catch up on and share.

"I say, did you hear about Miss Magpie?"
"No. What happened with Miss Magpie?"
"It's quite the scandal, you know."
"I never!"
"No!"

That could well be the reason why the chat so much more at dawn than any other time of the day.

Then there's also the fact that the could be just be gathering information about the latest turf wars and who's involved.

"The magpies and crows are going to be going at it at lunch today in the park!"

That way anyone who wants to go and watch or join in (if they wish) or simply just avoid the whole area where the fight is going to happen.

Of course, they could always just be sharing information in preperation for their final big attack on humanity.

But that's best not thought about.