Vline, The Time Traveller's Choice of Transport

I have often wondered why the Vline drivers sometimes announce that the train will be running express from Melton to Bacchus Marsh, Bacchus Marsh to Ballan etc etc when it's very clear that there are no stops to stop at between those places.

Who would be foolish enough to think that they could take the train to a stop between Ballan and Ballarat?

But then it just occurred to me, the time travellers might not be aware that these stops don't exist at this time. The announcements about running express are for their benefit.

That's right, Vline is in collusion with the time travellers.

You'd think with time travellers Vline would manage to be punctual more often.

Things I Learned at Work This Week

Ok, so some of these things that I have learned weren't learned this week, but over the whole time I have been working. This week just drove home those things.

Firstly, it seems that people can grow hair anywhere; At least once a day I am surprised by where someone has hair growth. And that hairy chests isn't just restricted to men. Women can also have hairy chest! Although, it's an even less attractive look on a woman, and really disturbing to boot!

Then there's also the fact that the Ballarat City Coucil really should have better signage for their public toilets. No one seems to know where they are. I'm constantly being asked for directions to the toilets ... so much so that I'm sure I would make a nice little profit if I started charging people for directions (although they might be a little annoyed when I tell them that the toilets are just around the corner).

But it's not just the toilets I have to give directions to; people are starting to look for the educational book shop. It seems that they have a general idea of where to look but still can't find it and then get lost looking for it elsewhere. I could totally charge extra for directions to the educational book shop (but again, people may feel a little ripped off when I tell them it's up Sturt St and then a right turn at Collins Booksellers).

It also appears that news spreads fast. Whether it's good news or bad, it still spreads at the same speed; most of the people I speak to now have heard about the energy savers through friends and family and half of them have heard great things and want to get them also, while the other half have heard horrible things and just want to complain about them. So apparently it doesn't matter if it's good or bad news, it still spreads and creates awareness. And all this time I thought bad news spread way faster than good news. Apparently not.

The Rizzo's Sarmonella Outbreak Is the Work of the Devil Child

So I said that I'd keep an eye on any mysterious happenings around the area just in case the devil child from the train is up to something.

I think that I have noticed something;

It didn't click at the time when I was watching the news. But when I had some time to think about it, the whole affair smacks of the devil child and her evil work.

Rizzo's Pizza (the best pizza joint in Ballarat) made the news because of a sarmonella outbreak just before Christmas. I knew nothing of this until last night when the news report headlined Channel 10 News.

Admittedly, I haven't had Rizzo's Pizza for awhile, and Channel 10 News isn't exactly the most reliable news station around. But I was told that a friend read about it in the newspaper, which I can only assume is a little bit more reliable than 10 News.

Then there's also the fact that I live right around the corner from Rizzo's Pizza.

If this sarmonella outbreak really did happen, you'd think that I would've heard about it sooner than last night.

I don't think that the sarmonella outbreak really happened when they say it did. I think that the devil child has somehow tampered with time and caused this. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to be very good at changing history yet, so people are able to remember the original timeline as well as the new one she's created.

But it's only a matter of time until she gets powerful enough to successfully alter the past and our memories without us being aware of it.

This doesn't bode well.

Devil Child!

On the train home today there was totally a devil child sitting in front of me.

Sure she may have looked like any other innocent small child. But that's just what she wants to to believe.

She wants to lull you into a false sense of security.

And then she attacks!

She had me completely fooled until she looked me right in the eye (through my polarised sunnies) and started to sway in time to the music on my iPod.

At first I thought it might be some kind of bizarre coincidence. So I surreptitiously skipped forward to the next song.

She started swaying in time to that song instead. Only now she was staring at me.

I have no idea what she had in mind, what she was trying to do. I was just very happy that the train pulled into Ballan and the devil child and her family got off. I was also very glad that she was seated in front of me instead of behind. There's no telling what evil she would've wrought if my back was to her. But that being said, I would've very much liked to have been sitting on the opposite end of the train to her.

But now she's Ballan's problem. Not mine. Although I might keep an eye on the local news just to keep track of any mysterious and/or weird happenings in the area. After all, Ballan isn't that far away from Ballarat.

Demonic Neighbours

So it turns out that the caravan park is home to more than just annoying kids on camping trips and demonic possums. It is also home to some kind of horrible, unearthly demon.

Actually, since possums are in fact some kind of demon and they call the caravan park home, I have known this about the caravan park for quite awhile now.

What I mean is that the caravan park is home to multiple varieties of demons. I am only aware of two kinds.

I have no idea what this second kind of demon looks like. All I know is that it likes to emit horrible high pitched screeches at four in the morning when most people either fast alseep (and can't hear it) or too drunk to remember hearing it (if they actually do hear it).

Normally I'd say it was just possums making the sound. But the screech was too high pitched to be a possum. It was almost too high pitched to be made from any kind of creature from earth (demon or not).

It's definitely time that someone called in demon hunters or something, becfore the whole neighbourhood is completely over run with demons. I'd call in the demon hunters myself, but I'm not exactly sure how one goes about calling in people like Buffy or Sam and Dean. So I just have to hold out hope that someone in the neighbourhood does know. Otherwise, it'll be goodbye Ballarat and hello new demonic neighbourhood.

Today's Sojourn to Melbourne

I usually have to wait until I get on the train to Melbourne before I get to see something exciting. But not today!

Today I only had to walk down the road before I saw something;

There's this Greek guy who keeps walking shiftily up and down the street. So I didn't think anything of it when I saw him in the distance. When he turned around and I saw that part of his face was red, I at first thought he was some kind of demon.

But since that's a ridiculous idea, and the fact that he was weaving slightly as he walked, my next thought was that he was incrediably intoxicated and hadn't yet made it home and washed the face paint off.

How wrong I was.

It didn't take me long to realise that it wasn't face paint covering his face and head. It was blood!

The dodgy Greek guy had some kind of serious head injury.

Not that this stopped him from walking down the street while he waited for the police and (I hope) the ambulance. The police arrived on the scene before I had to decide if I wanted to be a good semaritan or ignore the bloodied Greek guy and catch my train.

The flashing police lights caught the attention of a nearby bogan, who felt the need to talk about what was happening. He reckoned that the Greek guy most likely owed someone money ... my belief is that it was him who had the money owing ... or he knows who was owed the money.

Unfortunately nothing else as exciting happened when I got into Melbourne, which is disappointing. Something usually happens in Melbourne, besides the planned events at Fed Square (I think there was some kind of fire eating display there today).

But on the Metro train back to Southern Cross I did learn that bumbags make anyone look like a dweep. There is absolutely nothing cool about bumbags. Not even the drug intoxicated, booze swilling stereotypical bogan can pull that look off without looking so uncool.

Ha! Now I'm implying that drug intoxicated, booze swilling stereotypical bogans are cool in the first place! They're so not. It's just that they're not exactly known to ever look dweepy and the kind of person who's easy to pick on.

Turns out that's exactly what they look like when they're wearing a bumbag!

So all in all, it was a pretty good day, and I hope Wednesday turns out to be just as good, if not better.

Ballarat at Night and Who Owns the Streets.

One thing about Ballarat during the day is that there's many a cop car cruising around town. It's almost impossible to traverse Ballarat without seeing at least one cop car somewhere.

It's very obvious that the cops own the streets of Ballarat.

At least that's the case during the daylight hours.

It's a very different story once night has fallen.

After last night's little sojourn to Gravy Spot, I can't help but think that the cops don't even bother trying to pretend that they own the streets during the night.

There's nary a sight of a cop car.

Once the sun goes down, the streets of Ballarat are anyone's for the taking. And apparently the only people who seem to have taken them are party revellers ... and quite possibly Gravy Spot, since it is the late night place to get food from in Ballarat ... and they very possibly put mind control stuff in the food to get people to keep coming back for more.

It's weird that no one has actually gone out of their way to actually claim the streets of Ballarat after nightfall. The only reason why the revellers own the streets at the moment is simply because of the merit of being the only people walking them.

And since no one has actually claimed the night time streets of Ballarat, I believe I shall claim them. I'll plant my flag of triumph tonight!

End of Ballarat?

Clear blue sunny skies. Not exactly an omen of impending doom, right?

Well apparently here in Ballarat that's exactly what they mean. Well, if all of the sirens I have been hearing all day around town mean anything.

Why else would there be so many sirens going off today?

The world is ending for Ballarat!

The sudden clear skies and warmth has proven too much and the place is tearing itself apart from the inside.

How About Incentive to Actually Get Work?

Yeah, so. I don't know if you're aware of this little fact or not, but I'm currently enrolled in a pre-employment program that lands me a guaranteed interview at the end of it.

So yay me for that little achievement.

But it's not in Ballarat.

I have to travel to Melbourne every day to get to class.

It's not too bad, even if it is a little costly for someone struggling to live off Centre Link.

But no worries, right? As part of my Centre Link conditions I now have a job employment agency to help me out. And as it turns out, job employment agencies supposedly help people with them with these costs.

So I took myself down to CVGT to see if they'll help me out with my train fares, because that extra $90 is everything when you're only form of income is the pittance Centre Link pays.

Turns out that my employment status isn't urgent enough for CVGT to be able to help me out. As a Stream one person, the government is more than happy to punish me for being unemployed, but won't help me with costs for finding work.

It's as though they secretly want people to remain unemployed for as long as possible. At the moment it feels as though I should just drop out of the course I'm currently in and wait until I'm in a higher stream and am guaranteed the financial assistance that I so desperately need.

The way things are currently, I really can't see any benefit to doing this course if I can't afford to buy food. I feel as though I should just wait until I'm in a more urgent stream before continuing with this course.

I thought the government wanted to lower unemployment, not encourage it.

If they were really serious about lowering it, they would have the lower streams getting the financial aid, instead of waiting for the doll bludgers to reach a really urgent stage of unemployment before handing out financial assistance.

They should be rewarding people who actually go out and actively do things that will help get them a job.

But this would, of course, mean that the government would actually be thinking about something and doing it effectively. And we all know that that's impossible.

Yeah, It's Definitely Time to be Concerned

I think I have figured out the earthworm's powers and how they're going to take over the land ... or Ballarat at the very least.

I'm pretty sure that these freakishly long earthworms have the ability to control the flow of time. It's important to bear in mind that this might be a power possessed by all earthworms. Not just the Ballarat ons.

I don't really know how they control the flow of time. I just know that they do control it.

Don't believe me?

Well, you're a fool ... but that being said, I'll explain the process behind the statement so that you don't judge me as a crazy person;

Last night (or this morning) I went to bed a couple of hours before sunrise. Being an insoniac who stupidly didn't do any physical activity to wear myself out, it took me a long time to go to sleep even though I was tired as. I was lying there for at least an hour and a half before I started thinking that I should start hearing that damned rooster crowing and seeing the beginnings of sunrise.

But the rooster never crowed (that's got to be a first), and the sun didn't rise.

I know, I know. You're probably thinking that I drifted off to sleepy land at that point.

Well, I didn't.

I don't go to sleep that easily.

I actually lay there for a long time in the dark, hearing no rooster crow, nor any sign of the beginnings of sunrise.

Somehow the earthworms had slowed the flow of time around me!

I don't know why or how.

Although I suspect they have little miny ray guns that they point towards a target. Nor do I know why they would want to slow down the flow of time, unless it were to speed themselves up for an attack on us ...

Oh!

Maybe they were testing out their time ray guns on me to make sure that there were no ill effects to suffer!

Those bastards!

Even though I know it was built out of hate blinded by fear, I think I need to start working on my own version of a Master Mold to deal with these slimey creepy crawlies. That will send them a very clear message that I'm (by which I mean humanity) not to be trifled with

Earthworms

I know I've been banged on in the past about how we should fear the inter-dimensional travelling

bunnies, the squid and the monster under the bed, but I think I may have been wrong about them.

Well, actually, maybe not the inter-dimensional travelling bunnies and the squid; they could still pose a significant threat to us. However, I doubt that the monster under the bed is much of a threat to us.

But anyway ...

All of the above pose a threat to a certain degree. But there's something else that could pose a threat to us; earthworms!

Yeah, that's right. Earthworms. Or more precisely, the earthworms indigenous to the Ballarat area ... I don't actually know if it's just a Ballarat earthworm thing or just an earthworm thing in general. All I know is that the Ballarat earthworms seem to be going against the natural order (although that's how I feel about all earthworms).

I just went outside to throw out some trash, and was greeted by the sight of the largest earthworm I've ever seen. It was massive. Not quite Gippsland earthworm size. But it was up there.

Now some of you might be thinking that I may be over reacting to the sight of the massive earthworm at the front door. But you weren't there! You don't know what it's like. You didn't hear it.

Yeah, I could hear it.

I could hear this weird sound as it moved, trying to escape from sight and hide. It made this weird rattling sound each time it pulled its body along the cement ... and to confirm this I actually stayed and watched and listened to it for a few minutes. I wasn't imagining the sound. It was real!

Once I confirmed I wasn't imagining things, this got me to wondering. Mainly what was the earthworm doing at the front door so far from the dirt it's supposed to call home?

My only conclusion: it was trying to get inside the house! And that it heard me coming to the front door and decided to try and hide.

I don't know why it was trying to get inside the house. I can only assume that it wanted to kill every single living thing inside.

Why would it want to do that?

I don't know.

But I think it's time that people took the earthworm threat seriously ... especially so for the good people of Ballarat; the earthworms in Ballarat are definitely larger than your average, and actually makes an audible noise.

It's time people did something about these unnatural beings, just like Senater Kelly and Warren Worthington when they felt threatened by the mutants. I'm not suggesting that we build an AI unit like Master Mold (two simple reasons for that; building AI always backfires when the unit gets smart enough and Master Mold destroyed humanity in its bid to destroy the mutants).

But it's only a matter of time before the earthworms rise en mass and take Ballarat for themselves. Something needs to be done, and soon, or else Ballarat (and quite possibly the rest of Australia) will become the new domain of the earthworm.

The (Not at All Totally Cliched Titled) Life and Times of Charlotte

Born in London during the early 1840's, Charlotte was the fourth of six children. She moved to Ballarat, Victoria, Australia in 1853 with her family.

A fairly well off man, Charlotte's father, James, didn't see the wisdom of panning or mining for gold. Instead, he invested the families life savings into running a pub for the prospectors and soldiers.

At first business for James was booming, and the family was able to afford a small too room house to live in, instead of living in a tent amongst the prospectors. This was an improvement for Charlotte who was a sickly child and had been constantly sick since the family moved to Ballarat. Although Charlotte's health never fully recovered, she was no longer bed ridden and able to join the rest of the family when they went for trips around Ballarat.

After almost a year living in Ballarat, things took a turn for the worse for Charlotte's family; during a brawl at his pub, James was brutally murdered, leaving his wife, Emily, to look after the family alone. She had no way of going back to her family in London.

For a couple of months after James' death, Emily was able to live off the money that James had saved from the pub. But once this money ran out, Emily was forced to find employment. As were the older children. Too sick to get paid work, Charlotte was left to look after the younger children while everyone else went out to work.

In this vein the family was able to eke out a mean existance for a few months until Emily was arrested for prostitution. Now completely alone, the rest of the children were also forced to find paid employment.

Because of her poor health, Charlotte was unable to find paid employment, and in an effort to do her share of work resorted to begging on the streets. Many of the soldiers took great pleasure in making her sing before throwing a shilling on the ground for her to chase after.

It was during one of these ordeals that a rich local merchant heard her singing and realized that she had a lovely voice. He immediately took her under his wing and set her up to become a star.

For a short time, Charlotte enjoyed an easy life, her benefactor seeing to her every need, making sure that she never wanted for anything. However, there was a dark motive behind his generosity; he wanted Charlotte for himself. One night he made an advance towards her, which she refused. Angry that she would dare to be so ungrateful after all of his generosity, he raped and murdered Charlotte. He buried her body in an unmarked grave on his estate just outside of Ballarat.

But that wasn't the end of Charlotte. She wanted justice for being murdered, and upon seeing that the authorities weren't going to punish the merchant for murdering her, her spirit rose from the grave and began to haunt his estate.

She took great pleasure in throwing things around the house and smashing any mirrors and glasses that she could see. She would even write messages on his walls, demanding that he hand himself over to the authorities.

Driven mad by the hauntings, the merchant killed himself.

But this didn't appease Charlotte's spirit. Still wanting revenge for her murder, Charlotte still haunts the place where the merchant's estate once stood.

The Creepy Old Abandoned Factory

I don't know about the rest of the world, but people in Ballarat will know which factory I'm talking about; the one in Ballarat East where the boiler exploded yesterday.

If you're not aware look it up.

Now that you're familiar with the creepy old abandoned factory I'm talking about, I can continue with my story.

I was about to describe the factory further. But I think what I've said about it is apt. Although I cannot stress just how creepy it is enough. There's some serious creepiness with that factory.

serious creepiness.

As in most likely haunted creepy.

Or, more likely, the den of murderers and rapists creepy.

Although the weird sounds that come from within there at night fits both theories. So whatever.

It's bad enough walking past that place during the day. At night it's even worse. Especially when the door/gate thing opens of its own free will, and a wail issues out.

I try and walk on the opposite side of the road during the day if I have to walk past it. At night I need some liquid courage and a posse with me before I even think about going near the place ... this is a challange at times when Gravy Spot is calling.

But I don't want to end up another victim of whatever lurks in that creepy old abandoned factory ... it's nearly as bad as the periodic zombie invasion that the Ballarat bravely endure.

The 2011 Floods and the Good They have Done

Everyone keeps focusing about the negative side of the floods sweeping the eastern states. Sure, it's a terrible thing that's happening. And it doesn't look like there's going to be an end to them any time soon (my family in Swan Hill are now facing said floods).

But I feel that I should point out the brighter side of these floods.

Yes. There's actually a positive to them.

Firstly (and most obviously), we clearly now have enough water to last us a few years without having to worry about running out ... unless the fools in Melbourne decide to ease water restrictions just to win a few city votes.

Secondly (and most importantly), the storms that accompanied the beginning of these floods (at least the Victorian floods) seems to have destroyed the portal between worlds (and/or time).

This is a massively good thing (at least it is for the good people of Ballarat).

Now the evil white rabbits that kept appearing out of nowhere in and around the Eureka Park (Ballarat East) don't seem to be appearing any more. No more of their little scouts are running around town at night. Their rusty little door has been destroyed (it could be heard at night creaking whenever it was in use).

The good people of Ballarat (and possibly the rest of Victoria ... even Australia) can now breath a sigh of relief. Th threat of invasion by these cute but evil white fiends (Anya was right to fear bunnies) has been cut short.

For the time being, at least.

Who knows if they'll rebuild their little portal and once again attempt to take over the world.

I Shouldn't Be Losing Weight!

In light of my previous post, I've just realised that I really shouldn't be losing weight.

I live in Ballarat!

I need all the insulation I can get! And that includes that extra layer fat on my body.

Being overweight in Ballarat makes it that little bit easier to stay warm for most of the year. It's also a bit of a money saver, since I'll be saving a little bit of money with the reduced heater and electric blanket usage.

And for that month or so when it actually gets hot, I can just go elsewhere if the heat gets too much for me (which is unlikely).

Although it'll probably have a hard time trying to find a place cooler than Ballarat.