2011 Rapture

So the "day" of judgement has passed. It took five months, but the "day" has finally passed. Well actually, the "day" ended yesterday. I just completely forgot about it, since, you know, a five month day and all.

So it turns out that all of the hysterical hype about the rapture back in May was for nothing. But then most of the people banging on about were probably like me and didn't realise that the day would in fact last five months instead of the usual 24 hours, as, you know, makes total sense. So it's little wonder that the zombie apocalypse didn't take place when everyone expected.

Apparently, pranksters should've left their clothes lying on the street yesterday instead.

And now we should probably be on the lookout for zombies now that the "day" of the judgement has passed we should probably be on the lookout for hordes of maruading zombies. Unless of course this apocalypse isn't the zombie producing apocalypse.

Still, anyone who went missing in the last five months could be said to have been raptured. They proved themselves holy and pure and all that shiz. I can't say that I'm surprised by the lack of raptured people. We're all a pretty sinful lot ... not that it's hard to sin by the standards God has set out for us if Dante's Inferno is anything to go by.

Now we sit back and wait and see if the last five months was in fact the "day" of judgement and the apocalypse is now nigh or if it's been like many of the other raptures of the past.

The Apocalypse Free Weekend

Saturday 21st May 2011
1:15pm

So apparently I shouldn’t think about things that scare me when I’m tired and susceptible to the workings of my active imagination.

Last night after talking about the Zombie Apocalypse (which still hasn’t happened) and mum’s scary geese that used to chase me, I had dreams filled with apocalyptic zombie geese.

Really not all that cool.

But what’s worse is that the couple of times I woke up, I was just that paranoid that every breath of wind outside sounded like a ghost or something was out to get me … I don’t know why I thought ghosts when it was the apocalyptic zombie geese filling my dreams, but there you go.

I was grateful to wake up this morning and find myself perfectly unattacked by those damn zombies, though. Less grateful about the fact that the Zombie Apocalypse made me so uneasy in the first place. I mean, the whole thing really is just taking the piss out of the crazy fundamentalists. So it really shouldn’t be giving me bad dreams or anything.

And I must also point out that at this time it doesn’t look like the Zombie Apocalypse is going to happen. I mean I haven’t left the house yet or even turned on the TV to watch the news or anything. But I can hear plenty of cars driving around, and zombie lore seems to state that zombies cannot drive. So that and the fact that mum’s neighbours sounded alive and healthy and definitely unzombie like, leads me to believe there is no imminent danger from the Zombie Apocalypse.

But who knows?

It might actually rely upon the soulless bodies of the raptured. So I guess if the rapture hasn’t happened yet, then of course there wouldn’t be any zombies running around … although mum’s neighbours are good little Catholics, and they’re still unraptured. So maybe the fundamentalists got the apocalypse dates wrong … or it’s just not going to happen.

Really can’t say I’m all that surprised about the whole thing really.
This is like the fourth supposed apocalypse in my life time. I’m sure I’m going to live through plenty more.

3:53pm

Well, after that little trip down the street, I’m happy to say that there’s no zombies running around, attacking people. But at the same time, it was eerily quiet down there. The only other times I have seen it so empty is during the Grand Final match in September.

It would appear that while people were in fact raptured, their soulless bodies haven’t been left behind to become zombies.

No Zombie Apocalypse for us.

Probably a good thing considering my complete lack of weaponry here at mum’s. if I’m going to have to face a Zombie Apocalypse, I’d like to do so at dad’s; he at least has some guns and a couple of fantastic zombie proof hiding places I can lay low in for awhile … zombies can’t climb trees can they?

9:53pm

After dinner and drinks at Pippa’s, I can safely report that continued complete lack of Zombie Apocalypse.

I’m pretty certain that there hasn’t even been any kind of rapture event … although that might just be our family; turns out that no one is particularly Christian in the family. Not even Pippa, which surprises me, because she’s all about keeping up appearances … and being a church going Christian would be the perfect way to keep up appearances … I must say that I’m impressed that she’s not Christian.

But there have been other signs of the lack of a rapture event. The most obvious being the lack of empty clothes just lying around everywhere. I’m pretty sure that the council isn’t as competent enough to clean up all of the clothes on the sly without any kind of sign.

Even if the Geelong City Council is competent enough to hide away the clothes of the raptured without anyone noticing, they wouldn’t be able to hide all of the naked bodies floating up towards heaven.

Pretty sure that little spectacle would’ve been noted by at least one person.
So it’s looking like that May 21st 2011 is, in fact, not the end of the world.
Take that, you stupid Christian fundamentalists! Proven wrong once again.

Sunday 22 May 2011
2:33pm

Good news!

I now have a pair of weather appropriate shoes to wear this winter. Thanks to mum and her wonderful birthday gift giving generosity, I now have a pair of brogues (or something along those lines) that won’t soak my feet at the tiniest sign of wet weather.

Huzzah!

Although, on the down side, I can’t wear them when I’m running, since they’re distinctly not running shoes. So I’m still going to have to wear the Volley’s when I run. Even in wet weather.

Blurgh!

But whatever. I guess it’s all good practise for when I eventually join the army.

3:33pm

Damn Megan! Damn her to hell!

Well, actually damning her to hell might be a little drastic. Especially given that I’m not all that annoyed with her … actually not annoyed at her. Just annoyed at what she pointed out.

In the last few years I’ve noticed that I’ve started to stutter a little. It’s especially noticeable when I’m drinking. But I’ve always thought it was in my head, the stutter, so never really gave it much thought.

But the other night Megan called me out on it before we went to mum’s birthday dinner.

I have a stutter noticeable enough for others to call me out on it!

And I don’t even know why I started stuttering in recent years. It’s not like I’m all that highly strung or anything. And it has never been a problem in the past.
So I have no idea what the hell it’s about.

But it’s definitely something I’m going to have to work on.

The Zombie Apocalypse

Ok, so I've been thinking about about the possible upcoming Zombie Apocalypse, and I have a question; Where the hell did the zombies come from?!

All of the fundamentalist Christians who believe the end of the world is so nigh that it's tomorrow all believe that they will be raptured and saved from the shit storm that will be taking place on earth.

That's simple enough to understand. That's basically what every self respecting Christain believes what will take place when the rapture happens.

But some of the crazy fundamentalists seem to also think that there will be a Zombie Apocalypse, which everyone on Twitter has latched onto for shits and giggles.

As I have already asked, where the hell did these zombies of the apocalypse come from?

Are they the souless bodies of the raptured? Is it some sick and twisted joke of the Devil's. Or is it just Jesus being petty and punishing all of the non believers further before the Devil makes his appearance?

It's just that the Zombie Apocalypse comes from nowhere, and has nothing to get the zombie ball rolling.

The May 21st 2011 Rapture

When I first heard about May 21st being the new end of the world date, I was very amused ... and then slightly put out.

Amused, because that's mum's birthday; she gets the dubious honour of being one of the last to celebrate her birthday. Put out, because that means I miss out on my own birthday next week.

But that was just me being selfish. I should be happy for mum and the dubious honour that god has seen fit to bestow upon her.

Although, as good little atheists, we don't believe in God and go to church and all the stuff good little Christians do. So odds are, we won't be raptured.

So tomorrow's possible rapture event isn't all bad news; there'll still be people around to celebrate birthdays with. But who can tell who will be raptured and who won't be? We may have to go out and make new friends with people we would normally prefer to avoid.

And then there's the possibilty that the Zombie Apocolypse rumours are true.

A Zombie Apocalypse would really ruin all birthday plans, and, quite frankly, make life a living hell where no one cares about birthdays ... I'm also concerned about the fact that I don't think I could handle myself and kill enough zombies for me to survive in a Zombie Apocalypse.

But for the time being, there isn't much we can do is hold our breaths and start preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse.

2012

Well, here I am, talking (or writing really) about 2012 and the end of the world. Something that has been discussed to death already ... and I'm about to add to that.

But I've been watching a lot of docos pertaining to the end of the world, and I really don't like the direction my thoughts have been taking as a result.

Bleak. Very bleak.

And surprisingly more religious than expected, considering my lack of religious belief.

I'm sure you all know the story. It's familiar enough. 21st December 2012 the world is set to end. There's many different versions of this prophecy. But most of them seem to all say the same thing; the world as we know it will end (maybe not in as many words).

Like I said, we're all familiar with this prophecy ... so I apologize for repeating to you.

I was happy with that prophecy. "The world as we know it will end" is a pretty broad prophecy and could mean any number of things. And it doesn't necessarily have to be a negative end. It could be the dawn of a new age. And looking at how we've progressed age-wise, it will most likely be a positive end and an even better new age.

Scientists could crack the human genome, and completely eradicate all illnesses and diseases.

Scientists could make it to warp speed, and in our space travels come across Spock's relatives. New allies and mates!

Scientists could discover the lost city of Atlantis, and ... well, I'm not too familiar with the Atlantean myths. But from what I do know, cracking the human genome and getting to warp speed could definitely be possible.

There's any number of things that could happen that would end the world as we know it for the better.

But then I had to go and watch some religious based doco about the end of the world. That shook my nice warm and comforting beliefs about the 2012 apocolypse.

Suddenly I was thinking about 21st December 2012 in a religious context!

What would happen if Jesus did indeed come back to earth?

Would there be a rapture, followed by a war to end all wars for the poor souls left on earth?

If there was a war to end all wars, who would take on the role as evil?

Look, I know the rapture legend, ok. The truly Christain and righteous will get save and go to heaven, Jesus comes to earth and leads God's army against the army of the evil forces.

So it'd be natural for most people to say it'll be Lucifer leading the forces of evil.

But Lucifer probably knows about this apocolypse prophecy, and he's clearly not one to follow the rules. So why would he wait until most people have been taken to heaven before trying to harvest as many souls as possible?

What good would waiting until after 21 December 2012 do Lucifer?

And if he's planning an attack why wait? Wouldn't it be better to attack early and catch the forces of good by surprise. A sneak attack, if you will. It's right up Lucifer's alley.

So it can't be against Lucifer that Jesus' army will be fighting against. So who will they be fighting against?

I'm guessing the army of evil will comprise of every non-christain person left on earth. So I'm guessing it'll be quite a large army, (which is why Jesus' army will be facing such a bleak outlook.

Jesus will be leading a war to end all wars that will pit man against fellow man. Unless David and The Prophet Muhammad come back with Jesus and also preach the purest form of religion to those left behind; love. Not hate.

I'd like to say that these new fears of mine are baseless. But I can't. I can only hope that they are, and that my original thoughts about 2012 are correct.

And the worst part is that I have to wait and see.

I don't like waiting!

And I have 21 months of waiting ahead of me.

I'm just going to have to try and curb my imagination and stop thinking about 2012.