I'm Just Selfish This Way

So it's that time of year again.

No, not Christmas time.

Well, actually that is partly the problem; Christmas time means everyone is out shopping at the same time.

Still, this really shouldn't be a problem. It's just everyone seems to take leave of their senses for some reason. I really don't know why; it's the one time of year that people should keep a tight grip on their senses.

But then, who am I to complain about people losing their senses? I'm guilty of this, too. I'm also quite selfish when out shopping;

For a start, I hold the unreasonable expectation of being able to use the door to go in and out of shops. I know, crazy and selfish, right? Especially since I know that the middle of the doorway is the perfect place to stand and have a conversation. But it get's worse. Much worse. Instead of trying to find another way in or out, or simply just politely waiting for the conversation to end before I can use the door as I want to use it, I'll simply barge through. And not just trying to creep around you. I mean right through the middle of the conversation. Since this is something I struggle with year round, I am actually quite proud to say that I am really good at making sure that my elbow will make contact with your ribs. There might also be a shoulder as well if there's enough of you trying to talk in the doorway. I'm not gentle either. I aim to make you remember me rudely barging through your conversation.

But you know what? I know it's inconsiderate of me interrupting your conversation in the doorway. If you give me a dirty enough look or make a comment about my rudeness I'll apologise for wanting to use the door for something other than just chatting ... although I haven't yet managed to make it sound sincere.Too absorbed in my own little world, I guess.

Secondly, and this could be even worse than interrupting conversations in doorways, I expect to be able to walk up and down the aisles without groups of two or more people standing in the middle of the aisle staring at the shelves. I get that someone has to stand right in front of whatever you're looking at while everyone else stands on the opposite side of the aisle with your trolley in the middle of the aisle. It is the only way to make an informed decision about what you're about to buy. I also understand that the middle of the aisle with your trolley pushed to one side is another ideal place to have a conversation. But, well, you see I usually shop alone, that's how I roll, and I just don't want to be reminded of this fact. That and I have this crazy notion of not farting around and getting what I need and then leaving. Still, I know that's no real excuse for me to try and push past. It would be so much politer if I just turned around and reached the end of the aisle by doubling back and finding an unoccupied aisle to walk down. But, well, I'm also lazy as well as selfish. It's just so much easier and quicker for me to push past you. Rude, I know. Especially when you see me coming and briefly make eye contact before turning your full attention back to your conversation. I really should take the hint; you're in the middle of a conversation or just looking really intently at something. I should find another way to get to the end of the aisle.

All that being said, some of you do seem to possess eyes in the back of your head and see me coming. I know that you're only trying to help me so that I will stop barging through people's conversations in the middle of doorways and aisles. But yeah, I'm a bit of a speed demon in the shops. Walking at a snail's pace at top speed just isn't going to do it for me. The lesson in patience will be lost on me because I'll be too focused on how slowly we are walking. Still, good on you for not giving up! The way you swerve with me when I try to speed up and get past you is truly remarkable. As is the way you'll stop directly in front of me to stare at how much aisle you have left until you reach the end. Maybe if I wasn't so determined to ruin interrupt conversations in doorways, I would realise the error of my way for knowing exactly what I went in to buy and wanting to get out as fast as possible. I know that's wrong of me. I know I should wander idly around the shop in a daze, stopping randomly in the middle of aisles, talking in the doorway. I know that's what I should be doing instead, and I am working on it. But well, you know, old habits and all.

But until I manage to master all these skills when out shopping, I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal with the fact that I want to use the doorway to enter and exit the shop even if there is a lively conversation being held there, I'm going to want to take the short route to the end of the aisle even if it means I have to push past you, your friends and/or family and trolley, and your attempts to teach me patience by walking impossibly slow will go unnoticed and will try to get past you, even if you are swerving all over the aisle.

Yes, I know I'm selfish and that my expectations are unrealistic, but I can't be alone in this, can I?

Another Political Post

Yeah, so I'm getting all political (again). Sorry about that (I'm not really).

But I'm sick of all the media coverage only on the Labour and Liberal parties this election. Let's face it, neither of those two parties are a good choice: with Labour we can't be sure that the person leading them will still be doing so in a year let alone by next election, and they're rapidly sending the country into debt (a massive debt). And have I mentioned all of the in fighting and back stabbing yet? With the Liberals there's a lot of emphasis on getting our budget back into surplus, which is a good thing. But then take a look at their policies so far: there's a whole lot of big spending and no accounting for where the money is coming from. 

I don't know about you, but I don't want either of those parties in charge of Australia's budget. Neither of them are exactly showing themselves to be good with money. It's all spend, spend, spend!

But that's how elections go, isn't it? Big promises that will be broken once a party is voted in. No body seems to remember this little fact, they're just surprised after each election when it happens all over again. 

So pretty bleak choices for the people of Australia to choose from. Labour and Liberal are just as bad as each other. They're both toxic and extremely out of touch with the real world (I've said it before and I'm going to say it again, I really need to become a politician for the cushy life being one brings). 

But if you look beyond the mainstream media this election, you'll be in for a pleasant surprise: there's actually more than just the two Labour and Liberal parties!

Yeah, I know. Shocking, right. 

And what's even more shocking is that some of them, not all of them, aren't crazy crackpot parties, an actually have some really good policies that are far more in touch with the average Australian than the two main stream parties. They're worth looking into before going into the polling booth this election year. I mean, even the Greens are preferencing their votes to a party that isn't Labour or Liberal. There's actually a real chance that there'll be more than just two parties and a couple of independents sitting in parliament after 7 September. 

So think about it, and vote for somebody different. It's time there was a change in the way that this country is run, and (as horribly cliched as this is) you have the power to make this change happen. This election year, there is actually a very real possibility for real and significant change. 

Just a Thought

Ok, so this has been on my mind for a couple of days now. But I keep on wondering what civilisation 4000 years from now will think of us (apart from being extremely bigoted about everything). Or, more specifically, about our popular culture and the stories we're going to leave behind for them. 

I mean, we have myths from the bible and the ancients about things that supposedly happened. What if they were merely just tales of fiction told to pass the time and set up morals for the youth of the time? And the myths we know today are just the most popular and pervasive of those stories?

What if in 4000 years they look back at our popular culture and view them as myths that we think happened in the distant or near past? What will they take from it? What will our myths be to those people?

That we looked to an alien who could move faster than bullet to save the world? That ordinary the rich donned masks and capes to fight crime and also save the world? That there were mutants among us and that some of them were less than friendly? That teenage girls were called upon to fight against the supernatural? That an archeologist played a key part in defeating the Nazis in WWII? That young children wandered around unsupervised and fought against each other with monsters that could be stored in balls? That young witches and wizards travelled to boarding school in trains?

And what if contact with aliens hasn't been made yet in 4000 years time? What will they make of Star Wars and Star Trek? That they're proof that in ancient times aliens had visited Earth and even taken humans into space with them?

Actually, even if contact has been made by then (and it probably will have by that point) the myths spawned from Star Wars and Trek would still be pretty interesting. 

How will those people 4000 years from now see us and what will they think our myths are?

And then there's our fairy tales. Will they make it into our mythology, and if so, which tales will be woven into the myths? Any of them that have been watered down into a Disney movie are sure to survive the 4000 years. But the rest? Will they be forgotten like so many other of our stories, or will they, over time, meld together and form a completely different story that people 4000 years from now will believe we told to each other?

Will those myths 4000 years in the future even be recognisable as stories from now?  

The Job Seekers Journal #1

Yesterday I finally had my phone interview with Centrelink. It went well enough. Even if she couldn't book me in with my employment agent thingy. 

One thing that couldn't be met. Not my fault though so it was overlooked with a passing comment that I may want to ask about that at the face to face interview ... quite frankly, I found that shocking. I thought even computer glitches were the fault of Centrelink customers (if I did have that kind of power, I doubt I'd be worrying about getting welfare payments). 

But at least I was able to book a face to face appointment. Based on the phone interview waiting list, I was very concerned that there'd be another three weeks before the first available slot. I was wrong (thankfully). The first available was today (even the woman conducting yesterday's interview seemed surprised). 

Naturally I snagged the latest available time today, so then I had time to gather everything I'd need to bring with me, while still getting the whole damn thing done and over with. 

Went in to the interview today with everything I was told that I had to bring with me. Spent all morning getting it together, too. Well, ok. Maybe not all morning. But it was still a good couple of hours spent getting everything. 

It was a complete waste of time. 

When I went in, a door wench greeted me and asked for my customer reference number, which I recited and then I was talking to someone, going over everything that was discussed on the phone yesterday and signing off on it. We also reset my online services password because I had some doubt about remembering it. FYI, that also required my customer reference number which I was again able to give off the top of my head. 

That was it. 

Apparently knowing my reference number off by heart is enough to prove that I am who I say I am, that I have been looking for work since being made redundant and that I am indeed poor and need welfare money (which is really depressing). All that time I spent getting everything together this morning was wasted! I could've been doing something far more productive or just sleeping in and enjoying being all warm in bed. 

I was reminded that I have to report next week and that I have the employment agency appointment and sent on my merry way. There was nothing about a job seeker diary or about how many jobs I should be applying for (if I even have to at all). It's like I'm receiving free welfare money without any of the obligations, and job hunting is just for my own benefit ... even if after a month of looking I'm a little down on the whole process. 

Oh, and there was also a moment of pure terror in the office: halfway through the interview she excused herself and disappeared for several minutes. When I say disappeared, I mean I could see her across the room talking. Then I watched her and someone else go into a conference room and talk. It was a heart stopping moment and I expected her to return and tell me to go away, there was nothing Centrelink was going to do for me today. 

Massive sigh of relief when that never happened. 

And now I'm just looking for work for my own entertainment, and also so that, you know, I have real money again and can afford to buy things I want. But at least I don't have to apply for so many jobs a week or even keep track of them (which is the worst part of the Newstart Allowance). No obligations, YEAH! 

It's an Election Year, So I Thought I'd Get On the Political Bandwagon With This Little Rant

I think I'm going to have to pay more attention to politics this election year. I'm sickened by the stunt that the Gillard government pulled excising the mainland from the migration zone. 

The act itself hasn't got me too upset ... I mean, it's a very despot government move, and is itself sickening. But Australia is a desert nation. We really can't afford to let too many people in. Otherwise we're going to be facing some serious water shortages (even more serious than it is now) in the near future. And then nobody but the ridiculously rich will win. 

It's how the government went around excising the mainland that's really gotten to me. They've been desperate to stop the boats for years now, but they couldn't just excise the mainland without massive public outrage and a drop in the polls (and in an election year, that could be disastrous). So instead they let a boatful of refugees make it all the way to the mainland. 

The navy has been doing too good a job of stopping the boats before they reach the mainland these last few years. That boat was allowed so that everyone could get all outraged that the refugees were allowed to remain here and enjoy some sembelance of basic rights instead of being shipped off to a processing centre (again, how very despot government like do the processing centres sound?). 

It created the perfect opportunity for the government to excise the mainland, and effectively stop the boats (because we all know the refugees will remain in the processing centres for years before being shipped back to their home countries), and there's very little public outrage (or a whole lot less than there could've been), because the memory of that boat landing on the mainland is still fresh in everyone's memory. 

The government used those refugees to strip away any basic rights of future refugees, and I just don't think that I can bring myself to vote for a government willing to steep so low. So I'm going to have to pay close attention this year, and see which party the local candidates are giving their votes to. 

But the problem is, it's a two party system at the end of the day, and neither party is looking particularly good. 

Things that Trouble Me When I Should be Sleeping

How did the town in north Central Victoria known as Yea get its name?

It's obviously a town that sprung up out of necessity to the farmers and possibly miners (I don't know much about the history of the area). But did it reach a point when those in charge were like, "Right, this place is no longer a place for passing travellers to spend the night. It's a town now, and we need to give it a name, yea or nay?"

A chorus of "Yea!" from everyone.

"Right, what should we call it then?"

No response.

"Right, well, tomorrow we'll come up with a name for the new town, yea or nay?"

"Yea!"

And because no one could come up with a name someone decided to just name the town Yea in honour of the fact that they always said "Yea!" to naming the town "tomorrow" ... which, if that's the case Victoria could've had a town called Tomorrow instead of Yea.

Either that, or they were smoking something funky and thought that naming a town Yea would be extremely hilarious and made it official before they sobered up.

War pt 2

The young woman pressed her back against the wall and watched the procession of soldiers march by. The last four of whom were carrying two extremely bloodied and mangled bodies. All of them kep glancing over their shoulders at something behind them. Wishing it was night instead of mid afternoon, she slipped away from the street, looking for somewhere to hide. The siren with the robotic voice announcing that a code red curfew was no in place was still sounding over the speakers throughout the town. She didn't have long to find somewhere to hide before the streets were filled with watchful soldiers. It would be very bad if she was caught breaking curfew. The soldiers were already extremely annoyed with her because of her views about the Faeries. They were looking for there chance to send her off to the front lines.

With no other options, she climbed up a nearby tree. From there she was able to pull herself onto a garage roof. Hopefully the soldiers on patrol would only have dogs trained to pick up the scent of Faeries and not people. She also hoped that no one had seen her climbing the tree. If they had, they would be sure to inform the soldiers about her. She was certain that there wouldn't be any aircraft flying around: the few that were still serviceable were on the front lines. But she still felt exposed on the roof of the garage, and decided that it would be better if she kept moving towards the edge of town through the backyards.

She crept over to the far edge of the roof, taking care to keep as low as possible and then froze. Over the nearby hills was a massive black cloud, almost completely covering the whole horizon sky. As she stared at it, trying figure out what it could be and what it meant, a loud buzzing sound suddenly filled the air. It took her a second to realise that the code red siren had stopped, and had most likely been covering the buzzing sound until that point. She still didn't know what could be making the sound, although she was fairly certain that it was coming from the cloud.

Apparently the soldiers patrolling the street had no idea where it was coming from. She could hear them shouting to each other has they looked for the source of the buzzing. Starting to feel uneasy about breaking curfew and what she planned on doing, she considered telling them about the cloud. But that would mean revealing herself to them, which would undoubtedly end with her being sent to the front lines. She'd heard stories from some of the front line veterans: the front lines were filled with constant fear and horror, and it was unheard of for someone to leave them uninjured or killed. Only serious injuries that left a person completely unable to fight anymore meant leaving the front lines ... unless of course, that person was killed instead of just injured.

The front lines were a place to avoid. And that wasn't done by revealing to soldiers that you're breaking curfew.

She lay down flat on her stomach, her eyes never leaving the large buzzing cloud. She absent mindedly swatted away a couple of flies. A moment later, she stifled a scream and quickly rolled onto her back frantically brushing away a large spider, sending it flying through the air. More flies settled on her and half a dozen wasps hovered menacingly nearby. She sat up and looked around and saw the air was thick with insects.

It suddenly dawned on her what the cloud consisted of and why it was buzzing.
She wondered what kind of damage a massive swarm of insects could inflict. They can drive a person insane, she reflected humourlessly as she constantly swatted away the insects, some of which bit or stung. She could hear the frustrated shouts from the soldiers as they were also attacked by the insects. Not wanting to find out first hand just what kind of damage a massive swarm if insects could cause to a person, she darted across the garage roof and jumped down onto the bin against the fence.

Still batting away the insects, and feeling lumps rising where she'd been bitten or stung, she darted out onto the street, and saw the soldiers weren't fairing much better than her. A couple of the sniffer dogs with them were straining at their leashes and pawing at the faces, already being driven mad by the insect swarm. One of the soldiers looked up and saw her. He shouted out in surprise and annoyance.

"There's even more of them coming! There's a massive swarm!" She shouted. She spotted a house with a bright yellow sign a little bit further down the street and immediately started to run towards it. She didn't bother to see if the soldiers followed her or not. She really didn't care either way. Although things would probably be easier for her if they didn't.

She skidded to a halt at the front door of the house. The air was now so thick with insects, it was impossible to see more than a few meters in any direction. The ground was starting to crawl with the flightless bugs. She kicked them off her feet and tried opening the door, and cried out in desperation when she discovered that it was locked. Who locked their door these doors? No one bothered locking their doors ever since the army set up the training base in town. There just wasn't any need. Plus if there was an air raid, people needed to be able to get into the houses with the bunkers.

She was suddenly hauled backwards and thrown into the hands of a waiting soldier. He gripped both her arms tightly, while they both squinted through the insects as another kicked open the heavy door. Over the sound of the insects, she heard a dog whimpering.

The door burst open, and everyone rushed inside. The door was slammed shut behind them. There was about ten of them as well as two sniffer dogs. The soldier who had held her outside still kept a tight grip on her arm inside. Everyone was covered in lumps from the insect bites and stings. There was a frenzy of movement as everyone frantically shook off any insects on them, and then stamped on them to make sure the bugs were dead.

"This door won't keep'em out for long, sir." A soldier observed, looking closely at the door. Everyone else took a closer look at the door and saw that it had been damaged when it had been kicked open. There was a long crack running down it, and a couple of insects were already starting to slip through it.

"We should be safe in the bunker.
Simpson, you, Walters, Avery and Greene take the girl and the dogs to the bunker. The rest of you search the house for anyone else."

There was a chorus of "Yes, Sir!", and she was ushered to the back of the house where there was a steel trap door in the floor. This was opened and Simpson and another soldier climbed down the steel ladder, before she was sent down after them. The dogs were lowered down afterwards, followed by a middle aged man who looked like he was a new recruit. The fourth soldier perched on the top rung of the ladder and kept a lookout for the others.

She slouched over and sat in a corner with her back against the wall, staring sullenly at the soldiers in the bunker with her. Everyone crept scratching at their bites and stings, while the two dogs whimpered in another corner. There was suddenly a scream followed by a heavy thud.

"Avery?" Simpson called out to the soldier keeping lookout.

"Don't know." Avery climbed back out of the door and disappeared from everyone's view. Simpson slowly climbed the ladder and peered around. There was another scream and Simpson dropped back into the bunker with a shout. A second later, Avery scrambled down the ladder, only pausing to close the door after her. Both she and Simpson looked terrified.

"What is it?"

There was a metallic clang as something struck the steel trap door repeatedly. The dogs howled and everyone backed as far away as they could from the ladder. The soldiers nervously drew their guns and aimed at the door.

The metallic clanging continued followed by the sound of metal being torn apart, the sound caused everyone to wince and cover their ears. A deep growl came through what remained of the steel door, causing the dogs to howl even louder.

With a final wrench, the door was town away from the floor and a massive pair of glowing red eyes glared down at them.

War pt1

The air raid sirens sounded again. They were meant to indicate that everyone was supposed to take cover in the nearest bunker. But since they had sounded at least once a day for the last two months without any kind of destruction following, most people ignored them and went about their business as usual. Most people now believed that they were safe and that the war front wouldn't reach their little town. After all, the war had been raging for almost two years and no one had seen any of it except what filtered through to them in the sparse news reports.

But they were still constantly reminded that there was a fierce battle raging across the country by the constant fuel, power and food rations, not to mention that the army had set up a base on the outskirts of town to train the constant stream of new recruits, all of whom were getting younger or more elderly each day. Everyone had at least one family member serving in the army, many of whom hadn't been heard from since they were sent to the front line.

The sirens lasted for fifteen minutes, and then everything went silent again. This happened so frequently even the soldiers had stopped reacting whenever the sirens sounded. But this time, when the sirens had finished wailing, something was different. It was a subtle difference. It was the silence. It was a different kind of silence today, and only those with extra keen hearing were able to pick up on it. But they just shrugged it off as paranoia.
So it came as a massive surprise to everyone when an extremely old woman strode up to a soldier and tore a huge chunk from the side if his neck with her teeth. The soldier screamed in agony and futilely tried to stop the flow of blood pouring from the wound. The old woman hissed and bit his arm. The soldier would've screamed as she tore part of his arm away, but he was already dead.

Civilians screamed and scrambled to get away from the creature, while soldiers rushed forward, their weapons aimed at her. The creature turned and faced the soldiers, baring her blood stained pointy yellow teeth as she hissed again. She crouched down, ready to attack. The soldiers consisted of new recruits still being trained and veterans who had seen too much action in the war. All of them were terrified of the creature and fired wildly at her.

The creature shuddered with the impact of the bullets, and dark blood oozed from the wounds. She stumbled backwards and fell over the body of her victim. The shouts of a commanding officer could be heard over the gunfire but no one could make out what she was shouting.

Gradually the soldiers stopped firing and looked apprehensively at the prone body of the creature. One of the bolder recruits cautiously crept towards her.

"Sanders, fall back!" The commanding officer shouted in alarm, hurrying forward to pull him back. But she was too late. With a shriek of rage, the creature threw herself from the ground at Sanders, who screamed in agonised terror before his throat was torn out.

The creature looked up at the soldiers through slitted eyes, Sanders' blood dripping off her face, and hissed something in articulate at them before turning and running away from them with inhuman speed.

"What she say?" A heavily scarred one eyes veteran asked the group at large.

"Something about losing, I think." A recruit answered uncertainly. "My Faerie isn't all that crash hot. But I'm certain she said something about losing."

"Does anyone speak fluent Faerie?" The commanding officer demanded.

Everyone shook their heads.

"Shit! I hope somebody caught this on camera."

Most of the recruits looked sheepishly down at their feet. None of them had thought of bringing their cameras with them when they had left the base. But all of the veterans responded that they had.

"Good. All of you back to base now. Those of you idiots who don't have your cameras I want you to report to Thompson in full gear." She pulled out a small transistor radio from her belt. "This is Major Fielding. There's been an attack in town. I'm declaring a code red curfew be enforced immediately."

"What is that?" A recruit pointed towards the nearby hills. Everyone else looked in the direction he was pointing. It took a couple of minutes before they were able to see the faint black cloud that was rapidly growing darker and larger. As they stared at the growing cloud, sirens, slightly different to the air raid siren, started to sound all around them.

"THIS IS NOT A DRILL. A CODE RED CURFEW IS NOW IN PLACE. EVERYONE IS IMMEDIATELY GO INSIDE AND STAY INSIDE UNTIL FURTHER ADVISED." A deep robotic voice intoned over the siren.

All across town, everyone hurried into the nearest buildings. They all knew that code red meant that they weren't even allowed to go home. They just had to get inside or face a military tribunal for civil disobedience, which often ended with the culprit being forced to join the army before being sent off to the front lines. It was better to our up with a small amount of discomfort for a short time than facing the tribunal.

"Back to base, everyone!" Major Fielding barked.

The soldiers fell into formation and marched back to base on the other side of town. Many of them, including Major Fielding, kept stealing uneasy glances back at the still rapidly growing cloud behind them. They passed more soldiers hurrying to position themselves around town to keep look out for anyone breaking curfew and any foes. Although no one expected to face any Faeries. They still believed themselves to be safe in the relatively sleepy town.

The Man Who Didn't Take Over the World

Many years ago in a town north-west of Melbourne on the way to the ski resorts there lived a man with aspirations to take over the world. It had been his dream ever since he was a boy. All through school he kept his head down and studied hard. He graduated high school Dux of his class and had his pick of universities.

He attended Melbourne University and threw himself into his business course. He knew that only the rich and powerful had any influence in the world and figured that he would slowly work his way up to their level of wealth and power, all the while expanding his corporation across Australia and the rest of the world. He knew that taking over the world would be an extremely slow process and that he would likely be an old man when he succeeded. But he believed that by that point he would’ve worked out a formula that would keep him alive forever, he was an avid comic book reader and took most of his inspiration from them.

He graduated university, once again the Dux and also engaged to a woman who had also been studying the same course as him. She shared his dreams of world domination and came from a wealthy family. They both started working for her father, both excelling at their jobs.

One night, the night he planned on proposing to her, she was hit by a car and killed instantly. He was devastated by her death. Before leaving the scene of the accident, he pulled a few hairs from her head and sealed them in an airtight bag. He planned on cloning her and pretending that she had never died. Her father had a laboratory in one of his buildings. However, her father refused to let him to clone her. They argued fiercely over it until he killed her father in the heat of the moment.

Realising what he had just done, he drove over to the laboratory and stole the equipment he would need to clone his beloved back to life again before driving back to his home town north west of Melbourne. There he settled down in a large house on the edge of town and opened up a fish and chip shop.

By day he ran the fish and chip shop, getting to know everyone once again. By night he worked in the laboratory he had set up in his house, trying to clone his beloved back to life. It took him years and many failures before he was able to do this. But once he was able to figure out how to get the clones to form human shape instead of the hideous misshapen blobs they originally took he knew he was very close to seeing his beloved again. It still took him a few years to get the process right so that the clone didn’t immediately die as soon as he removed it from the test tube.

The first clone to survive being removed from the test tube was a disappointment to him. It had all of his beloved’s memories, including being hit by the car, but it or she felt nothing for him. In fact, she screamed at him and tried to leave his house, wanting to go to her family in Melbourne. He subdued the clone and put her back in the test tube in suspended animation. He knew that he should kill and dispose of her, but she looked just like his beloved and he couldn’t bring himself to kill her.

This happened with each resulting clone he made. Try as he might, he couldn’t replicate the feelings the original had had for him. His house was now filled with clone filled test tubes of his beloved. Until one night when the latest clone became violent when he tried to restrain her and return her to the tube. She viciously turned on him, and ended up sending him staggering backwards against one of the tubes. She lunched at him, swinging his work stool at his head.

He ducked the stool and scrambled to get away from the clone. The stool smashed the glass of the tube, and the liquid holding the clone within in suspended animation gushed onto the floor. The latest clone threw herself at him with a wild scream, and they both tumbled to the ground, both desperately fighting for their lives. In the process, they smashed another tube.

The two newly released clones joined the fight, and within moments the three of them had throttled the life out of the man. Together, the three of them explored the house paying little attention to their exact replicas in the tubes. In master bedroom they found a scrap book containing clippings of their father’s death. Wordlessly, they agreed that there was nothing for them in Melbourne and that there was nothing to be gained for them by releasing the rest of the clones. They burned the house down, and then set out into the world, each going her own way.

Years later, the first of the three clones returned to the town. Several months later, the second clone returned as well. Almost exactly a year after the first clone, the third clone also returned to the town. Despite themselves, they were drawn to the place. They also regretted burning down the man’s house with all of the clones and cloning equipment inside of it. They all got jobs at the local supermarket, and spent all of their free time trying to figure out a way to continue the man’s work and clone themselves so that, once again, there would be an army of clones.

A Short Story Brought on by Insomnia

Why do we sleep at night? Most people will tell it's so that our bodies can recover from the day's activities, so that our minds can sort through everything from the day.

But they're wrong.

Have you ever wondered why dogs bark at shadows at night?

Sure, sometimes they're barking at stray cats, possums, would be burglars etc etc. but most of the time they're reacting to the strange goings on around them.

Night is a time of strange things. A time when inter dimensional travelling bunnies visit Earth and take notes and further their plans of their future invasion.

A time when, if you look closely enough, holes in the fabric of time open up, and we can witness history taking place around us. Some people who witness this believe they have seen a ghost or ghosts. This is because most of the time the hole in the fabric of time is small and weak, and colour cannot easily pass through it.

Sometimes a hole in space and time open up, and it is possible for a person to see a completely different world. But this is rare, and people will usually just believe it is a dream.

Night is a time when the insects build civilisations, only to have a new one takes its place. Daylight burns these civilisations, and the insects retreat back and hope that night will again fall so that they can start rebuilding again.

The inter dimensional travelling bunnies have noted this. They spend a lot of time watching the rise and fall of countless insect civilisations, trying to work out a way to use it to their advantage.

Night is a time when things so bizarre that our minds can't handle it happen. That is why, long ago, our ancestors made a pact with a powerful being so that we would sleep at night and the bizarre things would go on unnoticed by us.

That was long ago, the pact long forgotten.

The Rebuild Begins (Slash I Needed to Hash Out Some of the Plot to My Story)

The moan of nearby zombies floated through the ruined city. Ant shuddered and pulled Skip further into the shadows. He looked around warily.

"What are ya worried about. You've been vaccinated!" Skip pulled free of Ant's grip and sauntered back into the middle of the street, even though the moans from the zombies made her want to leave immediately. She looked up and down the street. She could see some shadowy figures moving in the darkness all around her. By their shuffling walk, Skip could tell that they were zombies. "The city is swarming with the things! Are ya sure we're in the right place?"

"Of course I am!" Ant hissed, venturing a little further out of the shadows and looking nervously around. "How did ya stay here so long without losin' your mind?"

"Craig gave me a machete. It's very soothin' in a zombie apocalypse. That's why I told ya to being one." Memories of her year fighting the zombies flashed through her mind. Skip forced them back down. She knew she couldn't handle thinking about it. "Got any idea where we're meant to go?"

Ant shook his head.

Skip swore, and looked a little more closely at the buildings surrounding them. Most of them were severely fire damaged, and did not look very safe to enter. "We need to get up onto the roofs. We should be able to see the sanctuary from there."

"Ya coulda told me that before we arrived." Ant grumbled, venturing a little further out of the shadows.

"We can't risk usin' magic. There could be people in there."

"In there?"

"Unlikely, I know. But we still not riskin' it. If the buildin' collapses you can just teleport us back to the ground. Which buildin' d'ya reckon is the tallest?"

"Dunno. You're the one with the night vision."

Skip looked up at the skyline again. As far as she could tell, they were all roughly the same height. She then looked a little more closely at the windows, searching for any sign of movement. While being vaccinated against the zombie virus, Skip still had no desire to run into any zombies if she could avoid it. She saw no sign of movement. But she knew that didn't mean much.

"That one will do." Skip pointed at a random building to her left. She turned and faced Ant grinning. "Race ya to the top ... and for the love of whichever god ya pray to, catch me if the buildin' collapses."

Skip sprinted towards the building she had indicated, and bounded through what had once been a door, but was now a pile of rubble. She heard Ant shout something, but ignored him. A second later she collided into something solid and cold, and that clawed at her as she and it fell to the ground. She cried out wordlessly in horror and ignited into flames, setting the zombie she'd just ran into on fire. A second later, she was back on her feet, swinging her machete at the creature's head and extinguishing the flames before any more damage to the building could be done.

"Shit!" Ant peered over Skip's shoulder at the still smoking zombie corpse. "We gotta take more care. Those things are dangerous."

"Not to us." Skip was glad that she sounded a lot calmer than she felt. Her heart was racing, and she was fairly certain that her hands were shaking as she sheathed her machete in her belt. "We're vaccinated against them, remember?"

"Yeah. But still ..."

"They're scary, but not dangerous."

Ant shuffled his feet nervously. Skip knew that he wanted to just teleport up to the roof. It was something that she also wanted to do. But she knew that they couldn't risk it. If someone saw them magically appear or disappear, it could ruin everything. Skip sighed, and looked around the room. She could see the lift doors hanging open. But without electricity they were no use.

"How d'ya plan on getting up there, then?"

"The fire escape, I guess."

"And that is ...?"

Skip looked around again. It was hard to tell what was what in the ruined building. But eventually she spied a door hanging off its hinges that looked as though it led to the fire escape. She nimbly bounded over to it. She heard Ant stumbling and swearing as he tried to follow her.

The door did lead to the fire escape. Skip looked up the stairwell while she waited for Ant. She could hear shuffling footsteps echoing in the enclosed space. Great. Zombies. Skip's stomach churned uncomfortably as she drew her machete again. She looked over her shoulder at Ant and tried to smile carelessly at him, but grimaced instead. "Race ya to the roof. Watch out for the zombies!" She sprinted up the stairs. Ant suddenly materialised in front of her, running up the stairs. Skip would've yelled at him for taking such a foolish risk, but a zombie suddenly loomed up out of the darkness. Ant squealed, and shoved it over the railing. They both paused to watch as the creature fell silently to the ground. The heard the sickening thud when it hit the ground. They continued upstairs, knowing that the zombie survived its short fall to the ground.

A short time later the burst onto the roof panting and covered in zombie gore. There had been a lot more zombies in the stairwell than they had anticipated; they'd been forced to hack their way through the zombie horde in order to continue upwards.

Skip pressed her forehead against the doorframe fighting back the urge to be sick and trying to force herself not to think about anything zombie related. It wasn't easy, especially since her mission pretty much resolved around the zombie apocalypse.

When Skip looked up she saw Ant standing nearby hugging himself and looking pale. He was staring straight ahead, his eyes unfocused.

"Hey, man. I reckon we should teleport down." Skip also wanted to burn the building down. But she knew that the flames would draw attention. Not only from the zombies, but also from anyone who happened to be in the area and able to see the light from the fire. So instead she contented herself with shaking as much of the zombie gore as she could off her machete before she sheathed it again. "C'mon, look for the sanctuary."

It only took a couple of seconds for them to spot the sanctuary: the light from it glowed brightly in the almost pitch blackness of the night.

"Found it." Ant grabbed Skip by the arm and almost instantly they were at the bottom of the stairwell again. The zombie Ant had thrown over the railing minutes earlier was dragging itself to the door. Skip grimly kicked it in the head. She and Ant watched as its head soared thought the air and hit the wall with a sickening crunch.

Both Skip and Ant acted as though that never happened as they carefully picked their way back to the street and started walking in the direction of the sanctuary. It wasn't long before they found themselves surrounded by zombies. They both held their machetes at the ready, but the zombies continued to shuffle aimlessly by as though Skip and Ant weren't there. Realising that it would be faster to ignore the zombies than killing them, Skip and Ant started to run towards the sanctuary with gritted teeth. Skip was completely on edge. She'd just spent the last twelve months fighting and killing, and even fearing zombies. It felt completely unnatural to be ignoring (or doing her best to do so) them now when all her instincts where screaming for her to kill them now.
Skip and Ant stopped as soon as the massive heavily fortified walls of the sanctuary came into view. Spot lights swung back and forth all along the walls, while within the walls more lights glowed brightly. Thousands of moaning zombies swarmed all along the wall.

"Fools. They're just drawin' the zombies to them!"

"Where are they gettin' the power for the lights?"

Skip shrugged. "Dunno. That's something we'll have to ask The 99 when we find'em."

"And where will they be?"

Skip shrugged hopelessly. "They could be anywhere, man. In the city. In the country somewhere. Anywhere."

"They're in the city. Adrian and Jason both say they're here in the city."

"Then, I guess we start looking on the opposite side of the city. Skip turned her back on the sanctuary. "Does Jason have a phone? I'd like a more specific area to search."

"Nup. You're just gonna have to call Adrian for that."

Skip made a noncommittal sound as she started to jog through the zombies shuffling towards the sanctuary, drawn by the moans from the horde. No one called Adrian. He called if he wanted to relay important information, which was extremely rare. But Skip was aware that she and Ant were on the clock, and that she might end up having to call him for a more specific location. She hoped it wouldn't come to that.

Neither Skip nor Ant stopped running until they were clear of the zombie horde. There were still a few zombies shuffling along the streets. But instead of hundreds of them, there were only twenty or so. This was still too many for Skip's comfort. But Ant had stopped and was bent over with his hands on his knees, panting. Judging by the way he kept looking around, Skip could tell that he wasn't happy about the number of zombies around them either.

While she waited for Ant to catch his breath, Skip prowled up and down the street, venting her frustration by wordlessly beheading zombies. She froze when she heard a zombie moan followed by four gun shots. More zombies moaned. Skip looked over her shoulder and saw that Ant was alertly looking around, still breathing heavily. She darted back over to him.

"Remember, there's no vaccine. We're still in danger of being bitten by a zombie. So in a fight, act fast."

"Trust me, I'm not gonna dawdle killing those things."

Skip sniffed at the air. But as usual all she could smell was the burning and destruction that had settled on the world ever since the zombie virus outbreak.

"Follow them?" Ant suggested, pointing at three zombies shuffling purposefully down the street.

"Better yet, kill'em and any others we see as we follow the direction they're headin' in." Skip ran after the zombies and quickly beheaded them. She could see more shuffling figures up ahead.

"What are ya waitin' for?" Ant sprinted past, his machete held at the ready. Skip ran after him.

They quickly killed the zombies and as they were shaking off the gore from their machetes, were able to see a small group of people frantically trying escape thirty or so zombies. They had climbed up onto the side of an overturned bus.

"Ya ready to be a hero, man?"

Ant looked uncertainly at zombies trying to reach the people on the bus. "This might be hard to sell once we've killed the zombies. Won't people ask questions about how two people managed to kill thirty plus zombies without being bitten?"
"Not if you do it clever. Stealth and speed, man. Kill'em fast. No one questions ya if ya fast."

Ant still looked dubious.

"Trust me, man. Just let your fear kick in and kill'em." Skip looked carefully at the zombies, trying to figure out the best way to attack them. She could hear more zombies approaching. They didn't have much time. "I reckon we should attack from either side of the street, slightly from behind. Hopefully there's not too many on the other side of the bus."

Ant nodded grimly, and loped down the left side of the street, sticking to the shadows as much as possible. Skip followed suit on the right side. She held up her hand for a silent count down, before remembering that Ant probably couldn't see.

"Dammit!" Skip didn't want to attack first. She took a couple of deep breaths before launching herself at the nearest two zombies and beheading them. She swung her machete at another two, also beheading them. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Ant doing the same.
It only took them a couple of minutes to behead all of the zombies. More zombie moans drifted hauntingly through the air, and more zombies appeared from around the side of the bus. Skip and Ant quickly beheaded them and the rest on the other side of the bus. More zombies were visible as they shuffled towards the bus.
"I was hopin' for a clean escape. Skip sighed before turning her attention to the group on the bus. "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! A quick escape is a good escape!"

"What about those?" A bespectacled man squeaked, pointing his rifle at the zombies shuffling towards them.

Skip glanced at them before smiling reassuringly at the group. "Relax. We much faster than them. A quick power walk and we'll lose'em. Ant and I can kill any we encounter." She was glad that, once again, she sounded far calmer than she actually felt. "But quickquickquick! Or it'll be too late."

The group quickly scrambled down off the bus. "Well, lets go!" A woman said anxiously.

"You lead the way. Skip and I don't know where your hideout is."

The woman looked like she was about to start arguing. But the man with the glasses jogged around the side of the bus. "This way. You two with the machetes should get around here."

Skip and Ant jogged after him and saw that more zombies were shuffling towards them.

"Too easy." Skip grinned, loping up the street and easily beheading the nearest one.

The rest of the group jogged after her. She lopped off the head of the next one. Behind them more zombies moaned, lending some extra speed to the group.
At the end of the street, the man led them across the intersection. Skip could hear and see more zombies shuffling along the street. She wondered if any of the others could as well. She could tell that Ant could at least hear them by the way his grip tightened on the machete. Another zombie loomed up through the darkness. Ant swung his machete at it's head.
The hasn't gone very far up the street when the bespectacled man stopped them in front of a shop front with metal bars over the window. The glass had been smashed. The door was dented and cracked and the hinges squeaked loudly when it was shoved open. Everyone hurriedly piled through, and the door was bolted shut behind them.

"Ya really should do somethin' 'bout those rusty hinges, man." Skip whispered as zombies began moaning outside and started to swarm around the building, reaching through the bars trying to reach the people inside. Everyone stayed well clear of the window and the grasping hands. Skip hesitated for a second before swinging her machete and chopped off any zombie hand she saw. "Now they can't grab ya, can they?" She explained, seeing everyone's quizzical looks.

"Good thinking. The ladder is this way." The bespectacled man led them to the back of the building, and picked up a long pole with a hook on one end. He used the hook to pull down a folding ladder, and stood to one side. "After you."

Skip shook off some of the excess zombie gore before sheathing her machete and agilely springing up the ladder. She emerged on the next floor, and could see extensive fire damage but no sign of any light even though she could hear voices murmuring in the darkness. Ant and the rest of the group soon joined her. The ladder was pulled back up and folded neatly next to the hole.

They made their way to down the corridor and into a small pokey room where twenty or so people were huddled. Even with her night vision, Skip had to squint to distinguish The 99 uniform on some of the group, they were that dirty and ragged looking.

"Who's dis?" A small, wirey woman demanded, leaping to her feet drawing a pistol and aiming it at Ant. Her clothes were caked in zombie gore. Although her 99 banner on her arm was in better condition: it was slightly less dirty. But the once white 99 was now a dirty brown.

"Strangers. They rescued us from certain death. I think they said their names are Ant and Skip."

"I'm Skip and this is Ant." Skip introduced herself and Ant. "We're 99 members. We came here because we heard there's a sanctuary here."

"Yeah, good luck gettin' in dere." The woman snorted humourlessly, lowering her pistol.

"We've seen it." Ant muttered, sitting down on the edge of a bench. "The authorities have made sure no one can get in."

"Whattya mean?" A squeaky voiced teenage boy asked.

"They've made sure that the sanctuary is completely surrounded by zombies so that no one poor, like us, can get in. Why d'ya think they've got all those lights on, man?"

"The lights are to make sure no zombies can get in." The wirey woman said, her voice heavy with doubt.

"Those walls look more than capable of keepin' the zombies out. The lights aren't needed for that."

Everyone starting shouting at Skip's statement. Skip heard the zombies starting moaning down on the street below. She hoped that the hideout was as safe as everyone believed. She waved her hands in a shushing motion, and eventually got silence.

"Look," she said. "I understand your confusion. I struggled with it myself when I first found out. But how d'ya reckon the zombie virus happened?"

Silence greeted Skip's question as everyone stared blankly at her.

"It was created by the world's elite to bring down the world population and make it easier for governments to control us." Ant supplied.

A few incredulous looks were swapped and a few people even sniggered.

"Think about it. Who's safely behind the sanctuary walls, and who's left to fight for their lives against the zombie hordes?"

"There's certainly no government officials left to fend for themselves."

"It's just the poor left fending for themselves. And, shit! You guys have it a lot worse here than we had it back where we were."

"Little more than zombie bait while the fat cats live in safety in that sanctuary."

Skip could tell by the looks on everyone's faces that she and Ant had them convinced. But they were just elaborating on the stories they had started feeding The 99 just before the zombie virus outbreak. Anyone who had been 99 members before then would most likely have heard the rumours.

"So ya know the truth. What good is that?" The wirey woman demanded. "It ain't gonna change nuffink."

"We plan on gainin' entry into the sanctuary. Hopefully with some 99 inside, more help will be extended to other survivors left to fend for themselves."

"Ya's have seen the sanctuary. Ya said so yaselves. How d'ya's plan on gettin' past d'zombies?"

Skip grinned wickedly. "Oh, I have a plan."

"And it won't work. Dere's too many zombies."

"I just need to know a coupla things."
"Won't do ya no good."

"D'ya's know where the power comes from in the sanctuary?"

"We stay away from dere. Dats certain death dere."

Skip shrugged. "Doesn't really matter. Cuttin the power just woulda meant the plan runs a little better."

Again there was silence. Skip could tell that she was going to have trouble convincing them to help her and Ant.

"Are there any other groups around?"

"Dunno. Ain't seen nobody else."

"Ok. It'll just be us."

"We ain't gettin' ourselves killed tryin' to get into d'sanctuary."

"Relax, will ya? My plan is virtually risk free: we simply the zombies away from the sanctuary. Ant and I will even do all the dangerous work if ya scared."

"And how d'ya's plan on doing dat? Ya gonna end up cornered'n'torn to pieces."

"Only if ya wanna be stupid and be live zombie bait. I was thinkin' more along the lines of a large fire and a lot of noise." Skip had their interest now. Everyone was staring at her, waiting for her to elaborate.

"And dat'll draw d'zombies away from d'sanctuary?" The hope in the wirey woman's voice was clearly audible. To get to a safe, zombie free zone was all people wanted these days.

"It'll draw most of the swarm away. It won't be too hard to take care of any stragglers."

"And if we're lucky the soldiers inside of the sanctuary will help us take care of those." Ant added.

"We should get goin' and set up the noise part now." Skip went to leave the room but the wirey woman called her back.

"Now? It's too dangerous. We should til it's light."

"That's too risky. The zombies can see us better in daylight." Twelve months of fighting zombies, Skip had learned a few things. Plus she wanted to get Ant out of there before it got light enough for the others to see him properly. She was fairly certain that they wouldn't react well to his grey skin. Better for him not to be seen in daylight and avoid awkward questions. "And wouldn't it be better to be safe tomorrow and not have to worry about being attacked by zombies?"

"Until we venture out on search and rescue missions." The bespectacled man pointed out.

Skip smiled inwardly. She didn't have to worry about The 99 here. They would fulfil their purpose and protect anyone who needed protection. "Of course. But having electricity and a hot meal would also be nice. We can start doing more than just surviving." Skip paused for a moment and them left the room. She heard Ant follow her, and The 99 talking amongst themselves about her plan.

She and Ant dawdled down the corridor and took their time setting up the ladder to get back down to the ground. They were both more than capable of doing everything themselves. But they wanted The 99 to assist them, to remind the members who they really stood for.
They were trying to figure out how to return the ladder back to the floor above when there was a flurry of movement from above and six faces peered down at them.

"We're comin' with ya's."

"Ya had better bring better weapons than guns. We wanna be sneaky and quiet."

"Dere ain't much else but guns. We don't wanna risk our lives by gettin' too close to dem fings."

"Gunfire will attrack their attention." Skip countered. "Anythin' that can smash their heads in will do. Old pipes are particularly handy."

Everyone disappeared, and Skip and Ant exchanged glances, unsure whether The 99 were going to join them or not now that guns had been prohibited. Skip darted back up the ladder and looked around. She could see people moving around, searching for anything suitable to use as a weapon. She dropped back to the ground grinning. "They're comin', man."

Not long afterwards, the bespectacled quietly called down to them. "I'm going to throw down some pipes. Are you ready to catch them?"

"Sure am!"

The pipes were dropped to Skip, who caught them easily and passed them to Ant. Six pipes and an axe were dropped down to Skip. The the bespectacled man scrambled down the ladder followed by five others.

"Fred." He said holding out his hand to Skip.
Skip shook his hand. "Skip." Fred also shook Ant's hand. The others followed suit: Skip was introduced to Sophie, Brendan, Simon, Zoe and Taryn, the wirey woman.

Taryn went to open the door. But Skip stopped her. "Is there another door? Preferably one that doesn't have rusty hinges?"

Taryn shook her head. "We blocked d'other door for safety."

Skip swore, and looked out the barred window. She could see a couple of zombies shuffling around. There were probably many more that she couldn't see. "Those things are gonna be attracted by the squeaking door when we open it." She whispered. "I'll go through first and deal with any nearby. Then we jog a couple of blocks over and start on the noise part of the plan."

Taryn nodded and waited for Skip to join her before opening the door. The hinges squealed in protest as the door swung open. Skip leapt through it as soon as the gap was large enough for her to fit through. She almost crashed into a zombie. Cursing herself for not having her machete ready, she kicked the creature away from her and drew her machete. She beheaded the creature as it stumbled. By the time the others joined Skip on the street, she had killed the six zombies that had been lurking there. The moans of approaching zombies drifted through the air, unsettling everyone.

Skip looked over at Ant. "Which way?" She asked him.

Ant listened carefully, listening for the direction with the least amount of zombies. "This way." He set off down the street towards three zombies shuffling towards them.

"Is he mad? That's towards those things!" Simon, the squeaky voiced teenager exclaimed.

"Relax, man. He has a really good ear for this."

The others still looked a doubtful. But they followed Skip as she set off after Ant, who had already killed two of the three zombies and was about to deal with the third. He led straight down the debris filled road before turn left and continuing down that road for a few more blocks. They only encountered a handful of zombies along the way. Emboldened by the ease with which Skip and Ant beheaded the zombies, The 99 members with them started stepping forward and taking on the zombies as well. Zoe almost cheered when she killed her first zombie by smashing its skull with her pipe. But Skip clamped her hand over her mouth. "Shhh! Remember?" Skip hissed in Zoe's ear.

"Sorry." Zoe whispered.

Ant stopped in front of a church. "This should work for the noise." He pointed up at the steeple where they could see a bell glinting in the moonlight. "We shoulda checked to see if there was an engineer before we left."

"There's no engineers with us."

"No problems. We just need a long piece of rope."

"And where d'ya suggest we get dat?"
"In there hopefully."

"Are suggesting we ring the church bell until we're killed by zombies?"

Skip had forgotten that they weren't vaccinated and therefore were still at risk of being killed by zombies. She hadn't planned for an escape, and there would be too many zombies for them to fight their way out of the mess.

"What about tyin' some kinda weight to the rope and drop it from up there?" Simon suggested.

Skip thought about it. "That would work. It would give ya's enough time to get out. It would draw nearby zombies, of course. But they shouldn't be too much trouble for ya's. Good work, man!" She gave Simon a pat on the back and ran over to the church.

One of the doors was hanging off its hinges. Skip slipped through the gap and could hear shards of glass crunching under her feet. She winced at the sound, but heard no zombie moans. She continued inside, which was in complete disarray but, as far as Skip could tell, zombie free.

They carefully searched the church and found no sign of people or zombies. They then made their way up the staircase that led to the church bell tower. Fred and Sophie pulled up the rope while the rest trooped back downstairs in search of something to tie to it. They returned ten minutes later with a chair Brendan found in a small office.

"Here's the plan: Ant and I will head back to the sanctuary and start a fire nearby. When ya see the glow from the fire drop the chair and get out. Head towards the sanctuary. Ant and I will meet ya there. But only if it's safe to do so. Got it?"
Everyone nodded, their eyes wide and fearful. Wordlessly, Skip and Ant descended the stairs and jogged back towards the sanctuary. This time they didn't bother trying to avoid the zombies. That would've taken more time, and they wanted to get the job done as quickly as possible.

They stopped when they could make out individual zombies in the horde. Skip looked around and spotted a building relatively untouched by all of the destruction of the zombie apocalypse. She nudged Ant, and they crept over to it even though they were in no danger of being seen.

"We're gonna have to shout a bit to get the zombies attention. But after I've thrown some fireballs into the horde. I'm not sure if the people on the wall will be able to hear me."

"Will they respond to our shouts?"

"Yeah, man. Zombies respond to sound. But they can't sense us or somethin'. So they won't attack us."

Skip turned her attention back to the zombie horde, and focused intently on a spot near the edge. A minute later two of the zombies ignited in flames. They didn't notice the flames as they mingled in the horde, setting others on fire. Wanting to cause a little more damage, Skip lobbed a couple of fireballs into the centre of the horde.

"Alright, show time!"

She and Ant started shouting, and slowly backing away from the horde. Skip momentarily turned her attention to the building she had picked and explosively set it alight. The flames roared as the quickly engulfed the building. Still shouting, Skip and Ant back away from the light.

By now they had the attention of the zombie horde. The air was thick with their moans as they turned towards the shouts and the light, and started moving towards it. Many of the zombies were also on fire. Skip ignited the next two buildings, though this time less explosively.
Drawing the horde away from the sanctuary was slow going. To rest their throats, Skip and Ant started alternating shouting. Ant started belting out songs from his homeland while Skip chose to recite some of her favourite poems from all over. She continued to set fire to buildings at random. They made sure to head in the opposite direction to the hideout of The 99.

"They should be far enough away from the sanctuary by now." Skip rasped a couple of hours later, her throat raw from all of the shouting.

"I'll check." Ant had barely vanished when he reappeared next to Skip shaking his head. "Nup. It woulda been easier if ya had just vaporised the fuckers."

"That woulda led to questions."

"I'm gonna get somethin' to make noise with, then. I can't shout much longer." Ant vanished. A couple of minutes later he returned with a couple of foghorns and saucepans. He handed a foghorn and saucepan to Skip.

"Sah-weet!" Skip pressed the foghorn and winced as it blared. "Oh yeah. This is perfect."

With renewed enthusiasm, Skip and Ant continued to draw the horde further away from the sanctuary. Skip continued to set buildings on fire. By now they had managed to attrack the attention of most of the zombies in the city. The zombies were coming towards them from all directions. Skip and Ant kept bumping into them, which they both found alarming.

"Urgh! I can't take it anymore! Let's teleport a block up." Skip burned a hole through the skull of the zombie she had just backed into. The creature dropped to the ground, its skull still smoking. Ant grabbed Skip's arm, and they materialised about a block away from where they had been a moment earlier.

They continued in this fashion for another hour until Ant teleported back to check on the sanctuary. He materialised in front of Skip smiling. "They're far enough away now."

"Thank god for that!" Skip threw her foghorn at a nearby building. It exploded when it hit the wall.

"We gonna watch and see what happens at the sanctuary!"

"No need. Fred and Taryn will do all they can to get inside. And the officials will be forced to let'em in once the horde starts to return."

"And if they don't?"

"Then there'll be a zombie outbreak inside the walls of the sanctuary."

Ant stared at Skip blankly. But then he realised what she meant. "But ... ?"

"Adrian wants heroes. He doesn't care how. And I've set up a camera so that there'll be footage of what happens at the gates of the sanctuary. If Fred an Taryn can't talk their way in, we'll show the footage to the world after the zombie outbreak inside the sanctuary."

"At least I won't have ta be here as long if that happens." Ant grabbed Skip's arm and teleported back to Adrian's castle.

The Truth Of Neighbours

Since Neighbours will be returning to our airwaves soon (14 January) I thought that I should reveal some little known truths behind Neighbours. Or more specifically, Karl's supposed affairs.

None of these actually happened.

Well, ok, one did. But it wasn't really an affair.

Karl's affairs and the women involved were just a figment of Susan's imagination during her schizophrenic episodes. Everyone on Ramsay St just ignored them, trusting that Karl would see to it that she got the appropriate treatment since, you know, he's a doctor.

But eventually Susan's schizophrenia got too much for the family to handle and she had to be admitted into a psychiatric ward indefinitely.

This didn't win Karl any brownie points with some of Susan's friends. Especially when he started seeing Izzy after a couple of years. That is why Izzy is the only one of his supposed affairs that Karl occasionally visits. He and Izzy had a kid together and he was happy with her. He only broke up with Izzy out of loyalty to Susan when she was released from the psychiatric ward.

So when Susan starts losing it over Sarah's return and gives Karl a hard time, remember that Sarah isn't real. She's just a part of Susan's schizophrenia.








*this isn't a truth so much as a theory*