Last Night's Dream

Donna, Eric, Jackie and Fez were at a theme park, arguing about what ride they should go on next. They couldn't decide, so they decided to go to the beach and sit in the waves.

The surf was actually really strong, and required a lot of attention to avoid being knocked over and swept away.

Some celebrity chef and I joined them and looked out across the coast line. The celebrity chef kept suggesting how perfect all of the waves were. He clearly didn't know how to spot a rip. He kept on yammering about the whole thing and refused to listen to us when we kept trying to point out one of the multiple rips that were easily visible.

Just to get away from him I suggested that we go on the roller coaster, which, for some reason, required us to wade through the surf and around the bluff to get to the line for the roller coaster.

The roller coaster ride took us out to an island. Halfway there, we got thrown out of the roller coaster when it hit a sandbar and broke.

We swam the rest of the way to the island and found ourselves at Hogwarts. Naturally this meant that we had to explore the castle, which we did.

At some point we heard some loud bangs and the castle walls started to shake a bit. But we just ignored it and continued exploring. I ended up on the athletics field, checking out some of the old tin sheds. It was the smoke that alerted me to the danger.

I raced back to the castle to find the others and warn them. I found Fez lying on the floor of a room filled with mechanical gears and clogs.

We couldn't find the others, or a way out of the castle for that matter. We were starting to get really worried when we heard Eric shouting at us. He, Donna and Jackie had made a hole in the wall for us to wriggle through.

From then on it became a race against the lava to get off the island. It wasn't easy. Most of the castle was crumbling down around us. But somehow we managed to get out off the island and float safely back to the mainland where we had a prefect view of the island quickly disappear in a hot red, steamy lava-ee mess.

From the mainland the island didn't look big enough to have a house on it, let alone Hogwarts castle with a couple of massive athletic fields.

At the Movies: Burlesque

For a movie with so much potential, Burlesque was an uninspired disappointment.

Maybe if Lindsay Lohan had starred in it as originally planned, it might have been somewhat successful. All of the singing probably wouldn't have been done by just one star alone.

The plot of Burlesque wasn't even all that original - I'm going to spoil it here, so if you don't want it spoiled, stop reading now! - A small town girl leaves said small town for the big city. Small town girl can't find a job in the big city. Small town girl finds a strip bar where she desperately wants to work at. Small town girl begs for a performing job, but ends up getting a waiting job. Small town girl gets robbed of all of her money. Small town girl gets a chance to prove herself and ends up performing. Strip bar where small town girl now performs finds itself in some sort of trouble. Small town girl, through the power of song, saves the strip bar. Everyone lives happily ever after.

Sound familar?

It should.

Burlesque is just a musical rip off of Coyote Ugly (I'm sure some people needed to be told that). But what's worse, is that Burlesque doesn't even have any memorable songs. All that can be remembered of the songs is that Christina Aguilera belted out all of the songs with that amazing voice of hers, and for something different, Cher sang the two songs Aguilera didn't.

It was actually really disappointing to see all of the wasted talent. The makers of Burlesque didn't make any use of the amazing voices of Alan Cumming (although don't get me started on the confusion surrounding his role) and Kristen Bell. No use was even made of Diana Agron.

If there was any singing to be done, it all fell to Christina Aguilera and occassionally Cher. And if Aguilera's voice wasn't enough to carry Burlesque, then there was the massive list of stars to fall back on. Besides Agron, Bell and Cumming, Eric Dane and Cam Gigandet also starred alongside Aguilera and Cher.

The makers of Burlesque clearly weren't relying upon any kind of originality when they made the film.

But like I said earlier, the film could've been saved if Lindsay Lohan had've starred instead of Aguilera. For one thing, the singing probably would've been shared equally among the stars (and maybe Bell and Dane would've gotten themselves a villian song). And what's more, everyone knows that only Lohan can save anything with the power of song; a school talent show through to her mother's second wedding has been saved through the power of Lohan singing a song.

Burlesque is definitely not a film I want to see again. I'd be more than happy to forget what little of the film I do remember. Next time I want to watch a film like this, I'll just stick with Coyote Ugly.