I'm Just Selfish This Way

So it's that time of year again.

No, not Christmas time.

Well, actually that is partly the problem; Christmas time means everyone is out shopping at the same time.

Still, this really shouldn't be a problem. It's just everyone seems to take leave of their senses for some reason. I really don't know why; it's the one time of year that people should keep a tight grip on their senses.

But then, who am I to complain about people losing their senses? I'm guilty of this, too. I'm also quite selfish when out shopping;

For a start, I hold the unreasonable expectation of being able to use the door to go in and out of shops. I know, crazy and selfish, right? Especially since I know that the middle of the doorway is the perfect place to stand and have a conversation. But it get's worse. Much worse. Instead of trying to find another way in or out, or simply just politely waiting for the conversation to end before I can use the door as I want to use it, I'll simply barge through. And not just trying to creep around you. I mean right through the middle of the conversation. Since this is something I struggle with year round, I am actually quite proud to say that I am really good at making sure that my elbow will make contact with your ribs. There might also be a shoulder as well if there's enough of you trying to talk in the doorway. I'm not gentle either. I aim to make you remember me rudely barging through your conversation.

But you know what? I know it's inconsiderate of me interrupting your conversation in the doorway. If you give me a dirty enough look or make a comment about my rudeness I'll apologise for wanting to use the door for something other than just chatting ... although I haven't yet managed to make it sound sincere.Too absorbed in my own little world, I guess.

Secondly, and this could be even worse than interrupting conversations in doorways, I expect to be able to walk up and down the aisles without groups of two or more people standing in the middle of the aisle staring at the shelves. I get that someone has to stand right in front of whatever you're looking at while everyone else stands on the opposite side of the aisle with your trolley in the middle of the aisle. It is the only way to make an informed decision about what you're about to buy. I also understand that the middle of the aisle with your trolley pushed to one side is another ideal place to have a conversation. But, well, you see I usually shop alone, that's how I roll, and I just don't want to be reminded of this fact. That and I have this crazy notion of not farting around and getting what I need and then leaving. Still, I know that's no real excuse for me to try and push past. It would be so much politer if I just turned around and reached the end of the aisle by doubling back and finding an unoccupied aisle to walk down. But, well, I'm also lazy as well as selfish. It's just so much easier and quicker for me to push past you. Rude, I know. Especially when you see me coming and briefly make eye contact before turning your full attention back to your conversation. I really should take the hint; you're in the middle of a conversation or just looking really intently at something. I should find another way to get to the end of the aisle.

All that being said, some of you do seem to possess eyes in the back of your head and see me coming. I know that you're only trying to help me so that I will stop barging through people's conversations in the middle of doorways and aisles. But yeah, I'm a bit of a speed demon in the shops. Walking at a snail's pace at top speed just isn't going to do it for me. The lesson in patience will be lost on me because I'll be too focused on how slowly we are walking. Still, good on you for not giving up! The way you swerve with me when I try to speed up and get past you is truly remarkable. As is the way you'll stop directly in front of me to stare at how much aisle you have left until you reach the end. Maybe if I wasn't so determined to ruin interrupt conversations in doorways, I would realise the error of my way for knowing exactly what I went in to buy and wanting to get out as fast as possible. I know that's wrong of me. I know I should wander idly around the shop in a daze, stopping randomly in the middle of aisles, talking in the doorway. I know that's what I should be doing instead, and I am working on it. But well, you know, old habits and all.

But until I manage to master all these skills when out shopping, I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal with the fact that I want to use the doorway to enter and exit the shop even if there is a lively conversation being held there, I'm going to want to take the short route to the end of the aisle even if it means I have to push past you, your friends and/or family and trolley, and your attempts to teach me patience by walking impossibly slow will go unnoticed and will try to get past you, even if you are swerving all over the aisle.

Yes, I know I'm selfish and that my expectations are unrealistic, but I can't be alone in this, can I?